Wilde Yearnings

• Mono-who?

  Posted: July 31, 2009, 9:03 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I just discovered something about myself! Monogamy's really not my strong point....hmmm...never would've guessed.
  
  It goes something like this:
  
  ooooohhhh hot guy- yum; he's checking me out- very cool; little eye-sex- I like!; He turns around- I'd hit that! Monogamy- Mono-who?
  
  Nowhere in this thought process does the phrase "I'm not available' cross my mind.
  
  Oops. My bad. FML.
  
  Also hello fellow bloggers! I'm almost home- been travelling around for the last month or so and I miss my house and Nairobi traffic!

• Wilde B Pimpin'

  Posted: July 2, 2009, 4:18 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  You know those days at work when you just don't feel like working but have to look like you're working?.. sounds familiar anyone.
  
  For those days, I present one of the most interesting sites. FML ( Fuck My Life). Check it out. It's hilarious.
  
  Warning: Will make you laugh out loud (for realz), so if you have a boring job- it might look suspicious if you're constantly guffawing.
  
  Some of my favorites:
  
  

  Today I logged into my facebook account and saw that one of my friend's was listed as being 'in a relationship'. I was happy for her so I clicked the 'Like' button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML
  
  Today my girlfriend and I were about to have sex when she asked me to " do that thing which we did yesterday'. We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML
  
  Today I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
  
  Today I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted her boyfriend was there but he didn't relent. So I went over to help her by putting my arm around her. The drunk guy walked off but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
  
  Today my mom asked me to stop using her lotion for masturbation. I asked her how she knew. She replied with "Ever since we put the camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn'. FML

  
  
  
  If you think your life is bad, a few minutes on this website should cheer you up. :)
  
  Lovely weekend folks.

• Eye-sex: The Aftermath

  Posted: July 1, 2009, 3:26 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I blogged about a certain gorgeous guy I'd been involved with in a mutual staring phase during a dull seminar. I guess I need to update y'all.
  
  So at the first convenient break I saunter over to him, all casual-like, and start a general conversation. He's still doing that eye-fuck thing ( damn he's got sexy eyes) and I can barely concentrate on what he's telling me. Wildey is truly hooked at this point and I'd gladly give up my first-born for just one session with this eye-god.
  
  Anyway we quickly get over the preliminaries, source an invite for drinks before dinner at the hotel bar...Game, set and match!
  
  Or so I think.
  
  Fast forward to evening drinks... one gin and tonic later, we're in my room (it was nearer the bar than his).
  
  We commence a pleasurable and rapid descent into what should be passionate coitus. But if there’s one thing you can always rely on to make things awkward, it is prophylactics. Suddenly realizing that a condom is a vital tool in any responsible session, I lean over to my as yet unpacked suitcase and fumble around for one.
  
  
  No.fucking.way!!!!!!! Talk about coitus interruptus.
  
  Nothing, nada, hakuna. What is this fuckery?
  
  Well S.H.I.T. My penis is having a minor breakdown at this point.
  
  
  Cock-blocked by myself. Thats a new one.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes