Items by M
tHiNkEr'S rOoM
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Racism?
Posted: September 1, 2008, 2:08 pm by M
I watched some of the B.E.T awards this past weekend, and especially enjoyed Al Greene’s performance. The awards were replete with references to Obama. Which is well and good. However I am not convinced all those folks in shiny suits (here’s looking at you Diddy!) could utter a single one of Obama’s campaign platforms. In fact from the general tone of the comments I am convinced that most of the speakers (if indeed they are going to vote) are going to vote for Obama because he is Black. How is that not racist? How different is this from insisting that some folks out to sit at the front of the bus because they are white?
My admiration for the man notwithstanding, I strongly believe, as I do in the our local setting, if you vote for a candidate for anything other than the issues, or for that matter don’t vote for a candidate for a reason other than the issues, and to be specific tribe/race then you are an ass.
In fact, voting for Obama because of his race makes a mockery of everything the man and democracy stands for. And on the same coin not voting for him because he is black speaks volumes of the state of democracy, maturity and fair play in 2008!
I’ll bet If parallel sentiments were expressed at a McCain rally protests would be flooding faster than you could say Jim Crow.
Quote Of The Day
Wednesday? That’s too early in the week
Priceless
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OlyMpics!
Posted: August 25, 2008, 8:02 pm by M
AbsurdityKenya as usual sent a delegation that was top heavy, rich in officials, officers and attaches and wanting in athletes. And even those officials, officers and attaches were only going to exercise their right arms raising forks and tankards to their lips. I am informed our new Sports Minister took along the fruit of her loins at the expense of stadia officials. I no longer pretend to be surprised. Where can I as a citizen get a list of who went to Beijing with their bill footed by me, the taxpayer?
GymnasticsA female Chines gymnast rejoices under the name He Kexin. For a she, being called He no doubt can lead to a somewhat delicate social faux pas. He (she) has spent a lifetime enduring the little embarrassments that are inevitable when a she is called He.
Here He is
SwimmingFew things can cause more consternation than swimming in a pool against Michael Phelps. From the looks of things he has a small outboard motor that he makes religious use of.
Tearing it up
While fellow swimmers subsist on diets of lentils, cold water and the memory of chicken, Michael Phelps was gorging himself on pizzas and burgers. Michael Phelps has the distinction of taking home more gold medals than
- The entire US track & field team
- Africa
- Countries 9-85 in the medals table
Usain Bolt is clearly the man of the moment. 3 gold medals, Olympic records and 3 world records later, he shows no signs of slowing down. The fellow ran so fast the camera covered him to the finish line and then back to get the fellows straining for 2nd position.
Bolt Of Lightning
Once upon a time I ran the 100m (humble school sports days, not Olympics!) and I can assure you few things are as agonizing as running as fast as you possibly can and watching some fellow pulling away from you! It’s just a matter of time before sour grapes (see below) label the poor chap Saddam Usain
To the doofus who had a Michael Phelps moment and dived for the line in the 400m: chap, in London 2012 there will be rules against low flying aircraft.
Finally to ground!
If a virus descended upon the Olympic village this night, 8 people would emerge unscathed. These would be the US men & women’s relay teams, who have amply demonstrated they can’t catch anything.
Whoops!
Long DistanceKenenisa Bekele is a man I respect. The guy appears to have extra lungs somewhere on his person. Few things can be as depressing as being a participant in a race with this chap.
Living legend
For instance, some hapless fellow was lapped by Bekele in the 10,000m. As Bekele comfortably glided past, the fellow had a flash of hope until he realized that to win the race he had to overtake Bekele twice.
Paula Radcliffe is a heart wrenching figure indeed. Every time she’s on TV she is either in her trademark agonized hunched run, looking like she is in acute distress (or constipation), or she is in an inconsolably tearful state. Or both. Can she get some honorary award of some sort?
BoxingOur representatives in the boxing events returned with little fanfare last week after being summarily eliminated.
There’s no shame in losing. After all you lost against some of the best in the world. What is not in order is attributing your loss to the electronic scoring system. My friends, that one is not convincing.
FootballI had the pleasure of watching the women’s final match between USA and Brazil. My friends that was some of the best football I have ever seen.
CyclingWith its proliferation of cyclists, I was surprised that Kenya did not send an cyclists to Beijing until I remembered that we are under an administration that would win a clean sweep of medals for gross incompetence, blatant corruption and 1 x 40 gorging of public coffers
Tae Kwon doCuban Liu Kang Angel Valodia Matos changed the Olympic sport forever when he kicked the taste out of a referee’s mouth
Finish Him!
Sour GrapesIf you go to any American news site covering the Olympics you will be pleasantly surprised to find that according to the medal standings America is first. The criteria they use is number of medals. Using this warped logic, if you have 2 bronze medals you are placed above a country with a single gold. You’d think finding some sense would be simpler than finding weapons of mass destruction. In Africa we should divide number of medals by nuclear reactors to get who is first.
AOBGuess which movie some relay teams would rather not watch?
Ok, that’s my last shot. I promise. FYI I have once in my distant past dropped a baton too
SHORT BRIEFS #1
AOB
Only In KenyaWorld domination: T-53
Technorati tags: OlympicsPics from a variety of sources, including Reuters, The Times
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Presidency For Dummies (African Edition) - Scandals
Posted: August 5, 2008, 10:50 am by M
Chapter 13: Silence, worth a thousand words
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Endless Love
Posted: July 23, 2008, 11:05 pm by M
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Presidency For Dummies (African Edition) - Elections
Posted: July 22, 2008, 4:48 pm by M
Chapter 9: Incumbency: Your Best Friend
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Numb3rs
Posted: July 15, 2008, 6:49 pm by M
Browsing through my contacts the other day I came across the names of my good friend Bill (Name hidden to protect the guilty). The saga of Bill is one that even today fills me with great amusement.
Bill is the kind of chap who unlike the rest of was possessed of the gift of the gab. If there was one thing Bill could do it was talk, and talk well. A career in sales was just what the doctor ordered for our Bill. Bill could and did sell motorcycle tyres to people on foot. Bill sold pork chops and sausages to devout Jews. He sold sides of beef to vegetarians. I have little doubt that Bill could convince Lucy Kibaki to purchase the East African Standard.
Which brings me to the meat and potatoes. Bill replicated his successful sales funnel in the field in his affairs with the daughters of Eve. His large phone was ever beeping, tweeting and chirping with text messages and phone calls.
As with all generous men, Bill took great issue with the imbalance of eligible men vis a vis eligible women, and took it upon himself to make up for the difference. Selflessly sacrificing his time, he could (and did) entertain and sample the charms of up to three women at a time. I once watched in stunned amazement the master at work on two date simultaneously in the same eating establishment where with the dexterous use of rolled up sleeves convinced both his dates that his occasional absences from the table were to attend to a patient that was unwell in a back room. Bill never shied away from discreetly introducing a MD to his title.
”Like a wolf in a fold” are words that will always have special meaning to me after seeing Bill hard at work on Sundays. Bill’s unassailable logic, with which I heartily agreed, was that wifely material was simply not available at the Simba Saloon at 3 in the morning. It was however, more likely to be found at Corpus Christi at 12 AM in the morning, and so after a hard night at the Simba Saloon dance floor Bill rushed home, showered, shaved, grabbed his dog-eared bible (dog-earing was done by Bill’s devoutly Catholic mother) and within an hour was singing “Ave Maria” with the same gusto as he sung “’pon de river, pon de bank” not 12 hours earlier.
After the service Bill freely mingled with his fellow parishioners, especially his sisters in Christ. Phone numbers flowed from dimpled maidens to Bill’s phone with the ease of Government officials disposing of hotels. Making full use of his office as an organizing fellow of The Christian, the Church’s newsletter.
And so it was thus Bill met and turned his attentions to one Christiana Wekesa (name hidden to protect the guilty). She put up a spirited fight but she was like the Grand Regency to his Libyan consortium. I congratulated Bill on his excellent taste and good fortune in finding a good woman. He agreed.
One day Christine saw it fit to send Bill a text message inquiring as to his mode of dress for a meeting he was attending. Like 9.8 out of 10 men Bill took the opportunity to inquire with keen interest what she was wearing. Things naturally deteriorated from there. Several text messages later (Safaricom remarkably was able to handle the load) Bill composed a lengthy message illustrating in great detail how much as he appreciated her navy blue skirt skirt, white blouse and stockings, on the whole he would much rather she not have them altogether.
He then proceeded to paint a rich tapestry of what exactly he planned to do had he not been separated by duty and geography from her. A fine sheen of sweat peppered his brow and upper lip as he put his back into a lengthy text message that had the screen of the Nokia fogging over.
Suddenly he noticed that the meeting he was attending required his input so he quickly scrolled to Christina’s name in the phone book and hit send. He then tabled his market penetration graphs and miscellaneous visual aids and got on with it.
His phone vibrated in his pocket as a text message arrived. And then another. And then another.
He smiled modestly to himself and wondered if Casanova might have gotten further under his tutelage.
After a lengthy presentation he sat down and fished out his phone to find 18 unread messages and 10 missed calls.
"Poor old gal,” he said smugly. “Can’t handle old Bill, can ye?”
As he read the messages his smile began to falter.
The first message was from his Bishop who went out of his way to elaborate politely but firmly that the only place he would allow himself to be kissed was on his rings as symbols of his office.
The next message was from Sister Mary Margaret and consisted solely of question marks.
Father Mulinge from the parish urged him with great speed to see him as soon as possible for counseling.
Retired Colonel Wilberforce J. Majani (Rtd) wanted to know what the devil he was playing at.
Bill felt a cold hand clasp his heart.
With trembling fingers he navigated to his outbox and a ghastly smile appeared on his face.
The correspondence had not been sent to Christina after all, but to ‘Christians’, which happened to be the distribution list of 70 involved in the Church newsletter, which included the Bishop of the Diocese and several priests, nuns and respected members of society. They had received the text message (composed of 6 text messages) and read it with initial curiosity followed by confusion followed by disbelief and finally shock at some of the initiatives Bill was proposing that he undertake without further delay.
Bill now is based in Rwanda, where I believe he has converted to Islam.
The saga he told me over drinks one stormy night some months back. I sympathized with him.
“Well, now people have read about another ass in addition to Balaam’s” I could not resist pointing out. “Always best to make a clean breast of things, not take it lying down. Once everything is laid bare, things tend to work out.”
I can’t really say that he was all that amused.
AOBWorld Domination proceeding steadily. Us against the world, you and me against the world T-3
PIC OF THE DAYTell us something we don’t know!
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William Chapelle / Dave Kabogo
Posted: July 14, 2008, 3:21 pm by M
Much has been said about the powerful resemblance between ex Juja MP William Kabogo and comedian Dave Chapelle. I have regarded that comparison as about as accurate as Mwai Kibaki looking like Taye Diggs.
But now … I table the following composite. Who is who?
*Taye Diggs from an AP Photo
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Bob’s Your Uncle!
Posted: July 7, 2008, 8:01 pm by M
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When I See You
Posted: July 2, 2008, 6:09 pm by M
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Dracula’s Wedding
Posted: July 2, 2008, 5:54 pm by M
Ah, Outkast! Genius!!
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Mensa
Posted: June 26, 2008, 4:12 pm by M
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Dear MP
Posted: June 19, 2008, 8:36 pm by M
WARNING: CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE
Dear MP,
It is with sadness that I greet you this day. Sadness because you actually got out of the house without being struck by lightning or rear ended by an 18 wheeler. You see, this is because I hate your guts, and indeed every inch of you, from the tips of your pitchfork to the end of your forked tail. Like an unpaid KPLC bill, you give me the urge to put your lights out.
My dearest MP, nothing would give me the greatest pleasure to kick your spine right out the top of your fat head and proceed to beat you with your own backbone, or what little there is of it. I would then like to sprinkle your backbone with chili, salt, vinegar and army ants and stuff it right back, upside down, where it came from.
In case your ant-like attention span is not quite grasping this, given a choice between your presence in the same hemisphere as myself and painting a boat with my tongue, I’d happily paint the entire Pacific Fleet.
Making allowances for the fact that you are not one of nature’s lightning thinkers, let me simplify it by saying I despise you, from the top of your fat head to the soles of your designer gum boots.
Nothing brings out the truth of uncompromising and everlasting mother’s love than the fact that somewhere there is a woman that is proud to be associated with you. I shudder at the thought of carrying you for 9 months. Give me Pharaoh’s 7 years of famine anytime! 9 months of your society is 9 months too many! Shaggy was onto something when he talked about Strength Of A Woman.
We boosted you on your shoulders when you came to campaign as you promised us change and development. Like true men and woman we grinned ghastly grins and tolerated your enormous girth, stretched trousers and suspicious skid-marks. We endured your rich, earthy aroma and your joint saying and spraying as you articulated your vision.
And then you were sworn in and you were gone. From your one roomed hovel you now live in a house that has a jacuzzi, something you seem to think comes from a sewing kit.
When it comes to issues to do with your benefits and welfare your girth can be seen moving horizontally at great speed and wobble towards the debating chamber. I see your fat face on TV explaining why you need to be paid more. However when it is time for our roads, or our fertilizer or our schools, we are assured the grunts and slobbers from the parliamentary cafeteria are from you.
Now that you object to paying taxes like me, let me assure you that nothing would give me greater pleasure to sit you down in a forest, cover your nether regions in ground nuts and leave the squirrels to a treat of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut. I would also like to anesthetize you, skin you, cover your flesh with curry powder and vinegar, sprinkle some ball bearings and return your skin and wait for the fun and games begin.
How dare you, you greedy bastard, think that you are more equal than me? Do you not realize, you fat fool, that I am taxed all the way to my liver to pay your obscene salary? Listen here, you garden gnome. Do you understand that I pay so much tax that my grandsons are in debt? And you don’t want to pay tax!
I read with amusement that you sit on the defence committee. You poor fool, a cruise missile is just as fast as a regular missile!
And at your stint doing something in the finance ministry, a balanced budget does not mean writing some expenses on pages 1-30 and the rest on pages 31-60!
Hydro-electric dam, for your information, is not a new curse word.
Just last week I was at a function where you were reading something about Open Source. I have no doubt that you think Open Source can be helped by ointment and bandages. Well, let me say this to you:
apt-get down on your knees, gunzip my trousers and gnukiss my ass, you selfish, self righteous, Gadarene swine!
Yours sincerely,
M
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Spare us Mediocrity & Coverups!
Posted: June 9, 2008, 2:50 am by M
I highly suspect that at Safaricom decision making is done by Michael Joseph as follows:
- A roulette wheel of ideas, most of which are half baked is prepared
- MJ puts on a blindfold
- MJ is spun around in his chair 15 times by an energetic staff
- Roulette wheel is spun
- Dizzy MJ throws dart at spinning wheel
- Idea struck is implemented
This can be the only explanation for something as doofus as free calls.
FREE CALLS?
Surely you jest!
Is this the same Michael Joseph who complained bitterly about the congestion being caused by Kenyans and their ‘peculiar calling habits’?
How quickly we forget!
Have Kenyans changed overnight? Are different people inhabiting Kenya? Why didn’t I get the memo!
Thanks to the free calls (from 9 to 6) for the last week the Safaricom network, quicker than knickers in the red light district, has been dropping completely.
The most printable of responses from Safaricom customers has been WTF. If Michael Joseph is interested in byte size bites of exactly what people think of Safaricom, he can drop me a line and I will, with the greatest of pleasure, let him know in great detail just what Safaricom is thought of, especially last week.
Safaricom may be known for many things but quality of service is not one of them. When the multitude of customers are not waiting for five loaves and two fish to be disbursed at Customer Care centers with 10+ help desks staffed by two, they are weeping and gnashing their teeth at congested networks.
And they have the temerity to offer FREE CALLS? It’s like George Bush and Lucy Kibaki offering to start a Mensa Chapter. The dang capacity ain’t there!!
And In Other ScandalsIf you have not heard of kenyaipos.co.ke, then you probably live under a lichen infested rock.
When the site was launched, an initiative of Citi Group, offering Kenyans the ability to apply for shares online, like sheep we clicked the register button and proceeded to send all our personal details and share applications into the digital ether.
If you sought to read the small print you would have come away unimpressed. Nowhere was it explicitly stated what your information was used for, where it was stored and what rights you had with regards to your information.
What it did say, however, was that Citi group and all of its affiliates and partners could access and use it.
And before you ask, no, nowhere were these affiliates and partners listed.
Now, late last week someone discovered that with judicious manipulation of the URL you could pretty much view anyone else’s share applications and personal details.
Let me put that a little differently.
If you applied for your safaricom shares online anyone and I do mean anyone could have seen your personal details.
Any yahoo could have seen your phone numbers and email addresses, details of your applications and God knows what else.
In a show of the crass ineptitude that I’ve come to expect from Big Business in Kenya, the people behind kenyaipos.co.ke have simply taken the site down. There is nothing at the URL anymore.
This has the stink of a cover up.
A cover up that I am afraid will not be possible. We know about this lapse. And what’s more a few screen captures demonstrating the flaw can be tabled (suitably obfuscated of course).
In short, answers, and a full disclosure, and an apology are expected in very short order from:
Resist the temptation to cover this up. I know, I know it’s tempting. But Kenyans put their faith in many institutions and they deserve a least one of them not to make a mockery of their faith and their intelligence!
I will keep an eye on the papers and the institutional websites and hope you do the right thing.
Additional information? Threats? Drop me a line.
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Moving House
Posted: June 3, 2008, 9:17 pm by M
So this past weekend, the missus moved house. Aside from lacking a swing inside, the new digs is fantastic, up to and including the huge window on one wall of the living room that overlooks a garden. While no one was looking I secretly did a cartwheel to measure the living room. The exact measurements using this metric are a trade secret I shall take to my grave. Suffice it to say they are the exact dimensions necessary for us to unfold our master plan of world domination by producing sleepers that will be introduced into key sectors of industry ready for activation by us at a moment’s notice.
This is the point at which evil laughter should be introduced.
I am of the opinion of hedging our bets my producing as many troops as possible, but my co-conspirator will have none of that, seeing that she is in fully charge of the production process. I am pushing keenly for at least 5 sleepers, to infiltrate the finance, manufacturing, ICT, government and hospitality.
But I digress.
As with all things the move was replete with lessons
- The female of the species, like iron filings to magnet, collects shoes at a prolific rate
- While planning construction (or purchase of a new house) right after bathroom and kitchen, make allowances for a room for shoes (not yours, of course)
- Shoes are heavy. Especially when transported together. Especially when carried up 3 flights of steps. Especially if due to a communications breakdown it is the wrong 3 flights
- The possessions of the female of the species follow closely the handbag rule. What is the handbag rule? The volume of materials inside the female handbag is inversely proportional to the internal volume of the handbag itself. The same applies to the contents of the flat and the flat
- Cushions are bigger than their respective covers
- It does not matter how thoroughly you measure curtains before purchase. They will always mysteriously shrink en route
But at the end of it all everything was unpacked, the broken dishes tossed out on their ears and Phase I of the master plan is nearing completion.
Here’s to many more milestones my dearest. Many many more!
Light It UpRoberta is sans insurance, and knowing full well that these are just the circumstances God chooses to exercise his excellent sense of humour, I decided not to chance driving. I would not put it past the man upstairs to have me involved in a menage a trois with a S Class and a VW Touareg that will force me to sell my car and sell my self and my immediate future family to pay for my sin.
But with Angels and whatnots to entertain, God makes excellent use of what appears at first sight to be limited material.
Which is why as I was proceeding to work, minding my own business, the matatu I was in caught fire. Not much of a build up I know, but one minute am fiddling with my phone and the next minute I look up to a classic Babel. The interior of the matatu is full of smoke and with amazing dexterity the tout has effected an exit through the open window.
Why he has departed we are not exactly sure. Until a tongue of flame appears amid the smoke.
Now in most buildings there is some sort of plaque the says things like
“Do not panic. In an orderly fashion proceed to the nearest exit
and assemble at the designated collection point”What happens in reality my friends is nothing short of the opposite. There is no orderly quiet movement. You can practically hear the audio soundtrack to the situation.There is acrobatic and energetic motion of the human body from all the players. A large woman of motor boat like proportions will attempt to exit the vehicle head first at the same time a large man of Maruti like proportions is attempting to exit the same vehicle from the same window foot first. Where the sum of the parts is larger than the whole of the window, things grind to a halt. There are then shouted instructions to move mammaries and backsides out of the way.
I would have stayed for more entertainment but the thought of a vehicle on fire while my person and future lineage are still within is one that prompts action. A slid open window and a dive and roll through the window are but a moment’s work.
AOBAirport Official: First name?
Passenger: Batman
Airport Official: What?
Passenger: Batman
Airport Official: (Holding Head) Your first name is Batman
Passenger: Yes
Airport Official: Spelling?
Passenger: Just like it sounds. Batman
Airport Official: Right. And your surname?
Passenger: Superman
Airport Official: Right, that does it! Security!
Mariah CareyI cannot off the top of my head remember a song I despised as much as Touch My body. I cannot put in words just how much I can’t stand it. Please for the love of Humanity can someone please touch Mariah Carey’s body? Preferably with Anthrax?
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Made In China
Posted: May 7, 2008, 1:01 pm by M
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Odds & Ends
Posted: April 28, 2008, 3:12 pm by M
My struggle to be”significant and articulate” continues.
Paying TaxMy sympathies are with Mr. Wesley Snipes. After spending the better part of 3 years trying to keep the taxman off his assets he will be spending the next three trying to keep the ax man off his ass. Now let’s see if just like every other rich white celebrity, he’ll be on his merry way after a couple of days after a slap on the wrist. Somehow … I don’t think so. Blade will now have mundane things like dropped soap becoming a lot less mundane.
Merus HoyeeLooks like Kiraitu Murungi and the Njuri Ncheke must be doing something right for the Meru Community. I was amazed to see this ad on my gmail
My Man WallyI don’t read Dilbert for Dilbert. Wally is just the guy!
The Age Of Innocence30 years ago this comic panel would not have raised any eyebrows
Barber ShopI earlier today cut my hair. This may seem fairly mundane to you but it is a big deal to me because the last time I cut my hair was two presidents and a prime minister, one decade and 3 elections ago, in the last millennium. Yes sir, I last sat in a barber’s seat in 1997. Vox populi has been split between disbelief and mirth, weighted heavily in the direction of the latter. I must confess since the haircut to feeling a tad lethargic.
FuelI’m thinking of getting a nice 21 speed mountain bike. This is Kenol Koinange Street. Kenol, BTW, consistently have the highest fuel prices in Nairobi, the greedy doofi. Only gunpoint can inspire me to fuel at a Kenol/Kobil
BummerLike Midnight Mugithi I find the Hummer a particularly ugly monstrosity that only a mother could love. The other day I found myself driving behind one of those eyesores. The reaction from folks can only be accurately described in film
DrivingI came across this driving school the other day while en route to visit the missus. So fascinated was I by the sign I clean missed the turnoff. It certainly looks like an interesting establishment. If only MPs would pay a visit!
Groan Of The DayReligious women have no business making coffee. The bible clearly says Hebrews.
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Posted: April 26, 2008, 7:24 pm by M
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Ballerina Girl
Posted: April 21, 2008, 11:09 am by M
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What’s In A Name?
Posted: April 15, 2008, 10:58 am by M
I have in the past expressed my concerns about the mainstream media, specifically the newspapers. When they are not sensationalizing trivial issues like what the Speaker’s Wife was wearing during a national crisis rather than focusing on real issues, many reporters betray a lethargy that verges on the comical.
Today for instance I have received a number of text messages informing me that I am in today’s standard. Many of them addressed me as Mwangi.
With some resignation I secured a Standard to find out what had been said about me and why I was being referred to as Mwangi.
Here’s the bit about me:
Mwangi of Thinker’s Room sympathized with “genuine” ODM supporters who seem to be watching their hero betray them”
The facts are as follows:
1) The Mwangi quoted there is not in fact myself. It is a comment that was left by a reader.
2) I am not, have not, and do not intend to be called Mwangi.
3) The reporter would do well next time to differentiate the sentiments of the blogger from those of the commenters. There is, you know, a difference. Now I am waiting for a deluge of threats and outrage from PNU yahoos who will finally feel that I have been exposed as an undercover ODM sympathizer (which I am not). I choose to attribute the failure to make the distinction (despite the fact that the quotes above and below mine were from the actual bloggers) to lethargy rather than a deliberate misstatement.© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | 30 comments | Add to del.icio.us digg
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Crank That
Posted: April 14, 2008, 2:02 pm by M
What I think of our two Ali Babas and their newly unveiled list of 40 thieves is best left for another day.
Kibaki & Raila: Soulja Boy Off In this …
Kalonzo & Mudavadi: Oh!
Kibaki & Raila: Watch me Lean And Watch Me …
Kalonzo & Mudavadi: Rock!
All together: Super Man Dat Oh!Pic from East African Standard
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Beginnings
Posted: April 12, 2008, 11:45 pm by M
After the storm
came the calm.
After the rain
came the shine.After the night
came the day.
After the thunder
came the quiet.I rose this morning,
still recalling.
And felt the sun
and its soothing calm.I opened the door,
and saw no more,
the gloomy sky
or the reason why.My soul will soar,
and ache no more.
Into the new day
together we sailOur hands together,
we will forever…© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us digg
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The Misses …
Posted: April 9, 2008, 11:30 am by M
The gaffes I make,
the faltered steps,
the misses.The wounds I caused,
the gloom I wrought,
the misses.The tears I brought,
the sadness on,
the misses.Poor choices made,
bad paths taken,
the misses.Missteps taken,
bridges broken,
the misses.Now my ship has sailed,
and I remain
in pieces …© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On The Misses …
Category: Politics, Reflections.
-
White Smoke! Kenya Has A Cabinet
Posted: April 4, 2008, 7:26 pm by M
Breaking news from the Government Spokesman
Row, row, row your boat,
gently down the stream,
merrily merrily merrily merrilyAh … Alfred …
Sorry, sorry.
Good morning, good morning, good morning. Greetings and salutations. Walapa, walapangaz and wasadily. What’s popping. What’s cooking. What’s crackalacking. Wazzup! For those who many not know me, my name is Alfred ‘Gummi Bear’ Mutua.
I am here to announce that there is white smoke! We have a cabinet!
Principals- President and Head Of State: Emilio ‘Shakespeare’ Kibaki
- Vice President & Leader Of Government Business: Stephen ‘Iscariot’ Kalozo
- Prime Minister: Raila ‘Grab Yer Ankles’ Odinga
- Attorney General: Amos ‘Smilin’ Wako
- Attorney Sergeant: To be announced
- Attorney Major: To be Announced
- Attorney Corporal: To Be Announced
- Plain Old Attorney: To be Announced
- Deputy Prime Minister: Martha ‘Darth Vader’ Karua
- Deputy Prime Minister: Musalia ‘Stranger In The Night’ Mudavadi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Kiraitu ‘Harvey Dent’ Murungi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Charity ‘Just Bring It’ Ngilu
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Sam ‘Droopy’ Ongeri
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: William ‘Tear Gas’ Ruto
- Optimus Prime: To Be Announced
- Secretary To The Cabinet: Francis ‘Dexter’ Muthaura
- Tea Girl To The Cabinet: To be Announced
- Tea Boy To The Cabinet: To be Announced
- Mental Health: Lucy Kibaki
- Internal Security: George ‘Dance 360′ Saitoti
- External Security: Joseph ‘Shut yo’ mouth’ Nkaiserry
- Borderline Security: Bonny ”Isikuti’ Khalwale
- Defence: To Be Announced
- Livestock (Water based): Mwangi ‘Tisha’ Kiunjuri
- Livestock (Less than 4 Legs): Bifwoli ‘Tiktater’ Wakoli
- Livestock (4 or more legs): Franklin ‘ Comeback Kid’ Bett
- Livestock (Rodents): Robinson ‘Rat Catcher’ Githae
- Livestock (No Legs): Stanley ‘Methuselah’ Githunguri
- Fisheries (In Lakes): Fred ‘Australopithecus Africanus’ Gumo
- Fisheries (In Oceans): Cyrus ‘5 Sock’ Jirongo
- Foreign Affairs (Within Africa): Najib ‘Scimitar’ Balala
- Foreign Affairs (Outside Africa): Moses ‘Look At My New Glasses’ Wetangula
- Labour (Industrial): Ali ‘Petition’ Joho
- Labour (Domestic): Lina ‘Look At Meee!’ Kilimo
- Private Transport: To Be Announced
- Public Transport: To Be Announced
- Ministry Of Transport By Foot & Bicycle: Chirau ‘Koinange’ Mwakwere
- Ministry Of Justice: Mutula ‘Quisling’ Kilonzo
- Ministry Of Constitutional Affairs: Otieno ‘Ha ha!’ Kajwang
- Ministry of Entertainment: Musikari ‘Piriton’ Kombo
- Ministry of Ministries
- Ministry of Assistant Ministries
- Ministry
- Ministry Of Water
- Ministry of H20
- Ministry of Rice & Plants We Can’t Classify
- Ministry of Skumawiki & Green Vegetables
- Ministry of Cabbage & Non Green Vegetables
- Ministry of East Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of West Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of Mauritius & Other Islands We Can’t Place
- Ministry of Sports With Balls
- Ministry of Sports With Sticks
- Ministry of Golf, Hockey & Sports With Balls & Sticks
- Ministry of Sports With Neither Balls Nor Sticks
- Ministry of Roads
- Ministry of Streets
- Ministry of Lanes & Footpaths
- Backup Ministry
- Ministry of Youth
- Ministry of Children
- Ministry of Toddlers
- Ministry of Women
- Ministry of Men
- Ministry of Transgenders & The Otherwise Unsure
- Ministry of Culture
- Ministry of Music
- Ministry of Arts
- Ministry of Crafts
- Ministry of Trade
- Ministry of Industry
- Ministry of Commerce
- Ministry of Jobbo
- Ministry of Housing
- Ministry of Human Settlement
- Ministerial Ministry
- Ministry of Diamond Production
- Ministry of Oil Production
- Ministry of Tanzanite Production
- Ministry of Winter Sports & Athletics
- Ministry of Koalas, Tigers & Endgangered Species
- Ministry of Ministry Creation
- Ministry of Special Projects
- Ministry of Plain Old Projects
- Ministry of Miscellaneous Projects
- Ministry of Lands
- Ministry of Skies
- Ministry of Sun, Moon & Stars
I am pleased to observe that each of the 90 ministries shall have 2 Assistantt Ministes so Kenyans can be assured that work will be done.
Warm Regards
Alfred Mutua
Government Spokesman
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Fair And Handsome
Posted: April 1, 2008, 5:02 pm by M
Prousette found something interesting in this weekend’s paper
Few are unfamiliar with the Fair and Lovely brand. Fewer still would be unfamiliar with their ad.
This features an unfortunate maiden, handicapped not by education, brains, wit, binocular vision or bipedal motion, but by the curse of skin that is a rich ebony. This chocolatey skin serves her during job interviews the same way a dangling rat’s tail from the side of her mouth would. She is dismissed with nary a cursory glance by the interviewers upon ascertaining she is not the complexion of the average foolscap.
On the dating scene matters are just as grim. Tall dark and handsome strangers pass her in the street as if she was simultaneously suffering from leprosy and gangrene.
Until of course an ever helpful friend gushingly tells her of a new product … Fair and Lovely.
Within weeks (says the ad, accompanied by time delay photos) our maiden’s face and hands become lighter and lighter. I assume the rest of her becomes lighter as well. We can’t have the mask and glove effect, can we?
It is only with her light skin that she is able to wow interviewers with her charm, intelligence and natural wit. A leering doofus in the next cubicle leers some more. On her way out suitors at attention line up.
Ah, what magic a little cream can do!
It would seem that men are laboring under similar yokes. They fail to get jobs, attention, dates because of their unnaturally rich chocolatey skin. This is a theorem I welcome with open arms as I find it fully consistent with my self esteem issues.
Good news my fellow brethren! Fair and Handsome is here.
Apparently men’s skin needs to be fair because it is
- 3 times more exposed to the sun
- 5 times more exposed to pollution
- 2 times more exposed to stress factories
Let me start you off with the opening lines
Emami, in collaboration with Activor Corp, USA, herbalists and dermatologists from India has created a unique fairness cream for Men with a breakthrough Five Power Fairness System to make skin fair and handsome in 4 weeks. It also helps in relieving stress and fatigue signs - gives men’s tough skin a firmer look. Emami Fair And Handsome World’s No.1 fairness cream protects men’s face from sun’s UV Rays.
Right on!
For more fun get there and enjoy.
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The Butt Of Jokes
Posted: March 25, 2008, 1:28 pm by M
You can’t make this stuff up
A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, the Daily Telegraph is reporting.
The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.
I imagine, when asked about the matter, a senior hospital administrator offered the following apt response: “I’ll look into it.”
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Pillow Talk
Posted: March 11, 2008, 5:57 pm by M
Nothing like some pillow talk to bring some pep into a relationship!
She then hit me with a confession that would both thrill and confuse me. She explained that in the months that I had been away in Iraq her role within the AUC had changed; she had joined the urban militia and become an assassin. Her job was now to eliminate informers and traitors. So far, she told me, she had killed at least 10 people in the area. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, Marylin looked at me through the smoke as I exhaled, waiting to see how I would respond to what she had just told me.
PIC OF THE DAY
Lucy seems different today … funny, I never noticed that moustache — Bloody hell! I left the toilet seat up!
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Fore!
Posted: March 10, 2008, 6:15 pm by M
WTF Of The Day
Raila: So, what’s your … er … handicap?
Emilio: (Nervously) A bit of flatulence. Yourself?
Raila Snoring
Pic from East African Standard ([www.eastandard.net])Apparently, Women in jeans cannot be raped
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Now Then Steve
Posted: February 20, 2008, 12:10 pm by M
Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka thoughtfully and happily checks out Secretary Of State Condoleezza Rice’s “Official Position”
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World War Loo: The Battle Theater
Posted: February 18, 2008, 4:01 pm by M
Some time ago I penned a passionate appeal to my fellow brothers about the usage of the throne room. And you, of course, disregarded every word I said!
On retrospect perhaps I wouldn’t mind having daughters instead of sons. The associated hardware and utilities required in raising a girl (shotgun, pistol & associated firearms, machetes and whips for errant boys) are a small price to pay for having lovely, gentle and well mannered girls in the house instead of shouting, rowdy and disgusting small boys whooping and leaving muddy prints everywhere.
Take for example last week. I was at some large corporation whose identity I shall keep secret to protect the guilty. Shortly before lunch (the meeting was strategically set up in the window between 11 and 2, leaving the host no option but to feed me and my lads) I walked into the washroom to wash my hands. Yes, gentlemen. Shocking as it may seem some people still wash their hands before meals! It was not some sinister agenda imposed on your mothers from communist Russia!
If Jack Bauer ruthlessly shot his best friend in the head, his wife in the heart decapitated a hapless prisoner while shouting into his mouthpiece “Chloe, pull up the schematics of the lavatory” this is what he would come up with.
The battle theaters are as follows:
A (Medic) Where preparations are (generally) made before and after combat. Those of us who visit the Medic was our hands. Sadly, we are a minority
B (Fantasia) Where limited operations, generally of chemical nature are effected
C (Kosovo) Where dive and cluster bombing, as well as light machine gun fire cum gas warfare is practicedNow, there I was, hands gleaming from liquid soap and starting to walk towards the door, whistling the happy whistle of a man about to sit down to a free and wholesome meal when the door burst open and a man swaggered into the facility.
That I did not mind. That sort of thing happens, given statistics, probability and other whatnots.
What I did mind, and mind to the extreme, was that the man had opened his firing turret and his howitzer was aimed, locked and loaded at the recommended 45 degree angle.
So let us recap.
Starting to move due South was M, hands washed, anticipating a lunch.
Advancing North without cover is Megatron, cannon exposed pointing, inevitably, due North.
Now I don’t know about you but I acutely, emphatically and totally object to having another man’s equipment in my face pointing at me as a rule. It’s just not my cup of tea.
Meditating pleasantly about a lunch of roast potatoes, pan fried steak, lettuce and tomato, the mind was lurched into unplanned for activity and the following tumbled out
- What the hell?
- WHAT.THE.HELL.
- What if in addition to priming his weaponry early the feller had an itry trigger finger and fired … er … prematurely?
- If a random stranger walked in, or worse still a client, how on earth would I begin to explain things?
Megatron suddenly noticed that he was not alone and there was “gentleman, dead ahead”.
What followed was a social impasse that has played out ever since Adam and Eve discovered they were naked.
M went to his left and Megatron went to his right, effectively blocking him.
M then went to his right and Megatron to his left, again blocking him.
Megatron was a believer in pragmatism and saw no need to holster his weapon if he was going to unholster it not 15 seconds in the near future. So as we danced the dance (a dance without even a damn dinner!) a chemical weapon was pointing at me.
Finally I saw that we were getting nowhere so I effected a tactical retreat due North towards the far wall.
Megatron took this to be a surrender and consolidated his position by advancing North as well.
Hands spread in surrender I backed further and further, dying a thousand deaths at the thought of someone wandering into the scenario that from a cursory glance was getting dangerously close to a BBMM (Brokeback Mountain Moment). Some things really cannot be easily explained. It won’t do for a man that has spent his career elaborating at great detail the dimensions of Miss Halle Berry to be caught in such a situation. Within moments the creative grapevine would be buzzing and I would be fielding questions as to which of us said “I wish I could quit you” .
My breath caught in my throat as I felt the wall behind and I rapidly consulted the field manual on what to do in such situations. The manual drew a blank.
Megatron mercifully pulled a sharp right turn at the corner and rumbled into Fantasia for some light skirmishes.
I departed with a sonic boom.
As we sat down to lunch my host looked with concern at my violent and passionate objection to an aperitif of sausages …
Guys, is it too much to keep your weapons holstered until you’re actually at the firing range?!!
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Kisima Cha Giningi 2008
Posted: February 13, 2008, 12:44 pm by M
CAST
Bwana Msa (Investigator)
Gitobu Immanyara (Victim)
Police Artist
Commissioner Ali (Police Chief)
Eric Kiraithe (Police Spokesman)Bwana Msa, in a simple shirt and a leso wrapped around his midriff, lies recumbent upon a deck chair. The deck chair itself lies recumbent on the front steps of the CID Head Quarters. His unlit pipe dangles idly from his lips. The skull cap on his head bears the legend Gold Band (product placement is increasinlgy slithering into all forms of entertainment).
Around him is an array of police officials. There is buzz from the stunning revelations that the jowl of Gitobu Immanyara has allegedly had far from gentle contact with the open palm of the alleged first lady.
SCENE ONE
Ali: Now, Bwana Msa, even 6 months after taking you on as a consultant I find your insistence on working outside on that deck chair dressed in a t-shirt and a sheet disconcerting.
Bwana Msa: (Puff … puff … puff)
Ali: And will you stop with the huffing and puffing. The damn pipe is not even lit!
Bwana Msa: Steady on! This is my preferred working environment. What seems to the problem?
Ali: THIS
Bwana Msa: Left Click
Ali: What?
Bwana Msa: Oh! Did I say that out loud? Sorry.
{Brief Pause}
Bwana Msa: LOL
Ali: What?
Bwana Msa: I mean ha ha ha! What a quagmire! What was the response from the first lady?
Ali: THIS
Bwana Msa: Right Click, Open In New Window
Ali: What?!
Bwana Msa: Oh! Did I say that loud again? My bad.
{Brief Pause}
Bwana Msa: LOL! I mean ha ha ha!!! Nothing like a nice read to get the old corpuscles going. So anyway, what do you want from me?
Ali: I want you to get to investigate and find out that Immanyara is talking banana oil. I mean investigate and find out the truth
Kiraithe: It could have been a Rambo movie
Ali: (Irritably) Will you SHUT UP with your damn Rambo movies! Why can’t you watch Wild Rose like the rest of us?
Bwana Msa: The truth? That will be tricky. For one thing I’m quite impressed — or is it skeptical — that vocabulary like ‘besmirch’, ’stature’ and ‘three’ can originate from said quarters. I also find it difficult to envisage the government with a mien of astonishment. But very well. I shall investigateSCENE TWO
Parliament Offices
Gitobu: Groan!
Bwana Msa: There there my good man! (Puff puff)
Gitobu: I say, is it wise to be smoking in my oxygen tent?
Bwana Msa: (Gesturing to the pipe) This? Oh don’t worry about this. It’s not lit. Just between us I use it to get chicks! LOL! I mean Ha ha!!
Gitobu: (Nursing cheek) It hurts to laugh.
Bwana Msa: My good man! Do tell what happened
Gitobu: Well, I and several other MPs were invited for a snack and then a meeting with His Excellency the President. Well, I go there on time like the rest of us and proceeded to the garden where we had our snack. I must confess i’m not used to Cerelac, miky porridge, sweet potatoes, corn flakes and a lollipop at that hour of the afternoon. But after seeing His Excellency tuck in with gusto I figured when in Othaya do as the Othayans do. After a nice tea from sippy cups (which made it difficult to dip our biscuits), we proceeded for the meeting.
Bwana Msa: Indeed. What did the President say first
Gitobu: (Hesitantly) I’m not exactly sure what he said because after three or so minutes I became dizzy trying to keep up
Bwana Msa: Why? What did he say?
Gitobu: Well, he opened proceedings with the National Anthem, then followed with his rendition of Soulja Boy. Finally he got to the speech. I took the liberty of recording the speech on my phoneLadies and gentlemen, as well as gentlemen and ladies, including the lady there and that other one there and this gentleman here and that gentleman there and all other ladies and gentlemen in general, and each of you in particular, as ladies and gentlemen, allow me to welcome you to this cong — congre — congeg — congrega — meeting.
You will notice that you are here. Because previously you were there, where I am pointing now. And in the time between you were there and are now here, you must have moved here from there, which is why you are not there, but here. So here you are and also, from some quarters, there you are too. So here and there you are, and there and here you are.
I am grateful that those of you who are Church going Muslims as well as those Mosque going Christians Welcome here from there, and from there, and from wherever else that you have been there.
Bwana Msa: (Admiringly) Blimey! If I didn’t already know English I’d think it was the theory of relativity. Can we proceed to State House to finish the inverview? Commissioner Ali if you would be so kind …
SCENE THREE
The three are at the State House
Bwana Msa: (Looking around) Hmm … I see some watery footprints here, made by bare feet. Clearly the perpetrator has a gland problem. I also see a partially chewed cigar, conveniently discarded, soaked in ptyalin and what not. Clearly some mouth containment issues. So, tell me, what happened next.
Gitobu: So I was sitting here and then strange noises came from the door. At first i thought a sheep, a goat, a cow, 3 chicken and a stick of dynamite had been put in a cage of hungry lions. Then the Comptroller rushed in witha ghastly smile and asked me to leave hurriedly. That i did not mind. I am a brave man but those noises! So at the door I ran into this … apparition
Bwana Msa: Well, I have come with a police artist so if you would be so kind…
Artist: Please tell me as much as you can remember and i will try to draw
Bwana Msa: Let me look around in the meantime
Gitobu: (In the background) Taller … yes, i think a bit of claw … horns? I dunno … Actually, maybe … Just sprinkle a few and i can see if anything gels … No, i would not rule out wings … skin colour? Grey … Muscle? Quite a bit of that I assure you … when I got home my right molars had become my left molars and vice versa … A tail is something I can vaguely recall … Yes, add a pitchfork … A bit of smoke from the nose …. THERE WE GO!
Bwana Msa: (Hurrying over) Success?
Artist: (In bewilderment) Er… see for yourselfBwana Msa: (Recoiling backwards) Jesus Wept!
Gitobu: As you can imagine my fear for my life was considerable. Lying lower than Form 16A I departed quicker than Kivuitu can declare you president.
Bwana Msa: I have the sudden urge to retire.© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Kisima Cha Giningi 2008
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Who Really Failed Us?
Posted: February 6, 2008, 7:28 pm by M
One thing that has become abundantly clear is that the caliber of leadership we have in Kenya is wanting to the extreme. Looking at the ilk of Mwai Kibaki and Raila Odinga, and indeed almost all the leaders in this country, one is unsure if they could lead people who fell out of a boat into the water.
I mean, some things don’t need you to be a rocket scientist to figure out. If you are insisting that you are the duly elected president, and giving speeches to that effect, then it beggars belief that you would leave your burning country to attend some nebulous summit (as most AU summits are wont to be). It makes even less sense to commit to dialogue here and while in Addis undermine the same dialogue by throwing sand into the engine you have committed yourself and your “government”.
Look a the members of parliament. Almost all of them are here in Nairobi, and what’s more they have refused to go back to their constituencies until the fighting ends. Which beggars the question of how this fighting is supposed to end if the people tasked with the responsibility of leadership are unwilling to step up and lend a hand to stop it!
Look at the religious institutions. When they are not deafeningly silent they participate in the chocolate teapot of press conference appeals for peace. The main religious bodies, Catholic, Anglican, Muslim and the Independent Churches have just not impressed at all. They didn’t mind advising their flocks during the constitution. Why are they so quiet now? This touches on something I mentioned in my last post about the hypocrisy of Kenyans filling churches and immediately afterwards collecting weapons and setting upon their fellows. I find it difficult to believe that this is a 0.005% or whatever percentage that is being bandied about. I refuse to believe that the other 99.995% just disappear into thin air!
How many leaders have visited the clash hit areas? In fact how many leaders have gone to Jamhuri Park? Has Mwai Kibaki? Has Raila Odinga? Who purporting to be in authority went there on their own violation? Last time I checked it is only well wishers who have taken the trouble and the expense to visit the internally displaced.
Look at the police. When the spokesman is not blowing hot air, explaining this with doctored rambo footage, his boss Commissioner Ali appears on TV to proudly inform us how he has facilitated security for people to leave their homes, without a doubt one of the most ludicrous statements I have head this year. Commissioner, that is nothing to be proud of. Believe me.
Look at the assorted councils of elders. The Njuri Ncheke. The Luo Council of Elders. the Kaya Elders. The Kalenjin Elders. The Kikuyu Elders. Where are they? They’re always waiting at the wings for earth shaking developments like the sacking of “their” sons so they can rush into the limelight. Where are they now? Why have they lost their voices as this insanity continues? Why do they not use their influence to prevail upon their people to end this madness?
Who will tell the foolish machete wielding youths that it is extremely moronic and self defeating to evict “foreigners” from amongst their midst? That this will only trigger resentment towards them and retaliation across the board?
Who will preach that no matter how self sufficient you think you are, you will still need groundnuts from the coast, beef from North Eastern, fish from Nyanza, sugar from Western, milk from Rift Valley and vegetables from central?
Who will remind people that Kenya is Kenya because of the contribution of everyone and if we pull apart we will all be the worse? Who will remind the population that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts?
Who will point out to people that if this nonsense continues you cannot simply go to Masai Mara or climb Mount Kenya or go to Lake Victoria or go to Mombasa! What will it benefit you to live in a country where you cannot go wherever you please!
Who will address the youths and tell them as reasonably as possible that if you burn buses in the morning do not be surprised to lack transport in the evening. Or if you uproot the railway tracks do not complain about lacking cooking oil. Or if you loot your workplace do not complain about lacking a job. Because they need to be addressed and have these things pointed out by someone in a leadership position.
But then again on retrospect leaders are quite the effective mirror of society … as we did last year, in 20 years from now some of those panga wielding, stone throwing, shop looting fools will offer themselves for leadership and we will elect them.
The question is - who is really to blame there?
Shining ExamplesMercifully there are people stepping up. In their own little way to do something practical rather than endlessly mundane appeals for peace from Narobi. Parallels between Mohammed appealing to the mountain ought to be drawn here.
People like Rachel Wambugu and Wesley Chebii. People with the guts and gumption to step up and lead.
These are the kind of leaders we need. Enough self obsessed pontification from the likes of our current leadership, demanding for extra security. Why should you be given any extra security? Is your blood somehow redder than ours? What about the rest of us? Do we not deserve to be alive too? That if anything should speak volumes about the integrity and selflessness of these windbags. Face it my friends. Looking to this lot for leadership is like sheep looking to wolves.
We need more Rachels and Wesleys. These are the sort of leaders we should admire. The sort of leaders we should stand behind. Ready to go into the lion’s den for their people. True shepherds indeed.
Spare me the Kibakis and the Railas! What do they care about us? A man who a month ago promised to be the president of all Kenyans had the audacity to LEAVE for some nebulous summit as the country literally burnt and its people were dying?
Spare me the absurdity!
AOB - Goodbye Barack. It’s Been RealI’m following the hype around the newest Kid on The Block, Barack Obama with much a somewhat cynical eye. Is he popular? Yes. Does he drive crowds into frenzies? Yes. Could be make one hell of a president? Yes. Would I personally vote for him? Hell yes! If I was an American that is.
But elections in America follow the very same unwritten rules as those all over the world. Which means what? That the people at the conventions and speeches are the typical iPod listening, notebook carrying educated city dwellers. These are not the people with the votes. The people with the votes are the maws and paws: apple pie baking break-your back work ethic church going rural folk. These are the people with the votes.
And an unwritten law somewhere says that the people who attend rallies are not the ones with the votes.
Keeping in mind the painfil fate that befell John Kerry and Al Gore to George Bush Jr, what it will boil down to is as follows.
Given a choice between a black man (Mr Obama) and a white woman (Hillary Clinton) I would not be surprised the people with the vote will make the inevitable choice of voting for John Sidney McCain.
NOTE: That last statement is put exactly the way I intended it it. I am perfectly aware of their party affiliations, nomination processes, stands on issues like health, Iraq, and all that jazz.
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Ainamoi MP Shot Dead
Posted: January 31, 2008, 1:38 pm by M
Breaking news indicates that Aimamoi MP David Too has been shot dead in Eldoret. The circumstances behind the shooting are not clear as yet.
I shudder to think of the conclusions that will be drawn from this; so soon after fellow Embakasi MP, ODM’s Mugabe Were was similarly shot dead.
I fear for what might happen next. Will post an update as soon as I’ve heard more.
AOBIt takes an exceptional type of Oompa Loompa to be attending nebulous summits when his country is on fire! What manner of president is this? If he insists that he is the duly elected president can’t he at least pretend to do the freaking job?! Where o where can we get true leadership? Attending summits indeed!!!
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Kenya Burns!
Posted: January 29, 2008, 11:37 am by M
Events over the past 5 weeks have afforded me much opportunity for introspection. From what I have seen, to what I have heard, to what I have read. I cannot tell a lie. I am deeply affected by the events that took place for the past 5 weeks. I asked what have they done? Almost 4 weeks ago. And it is clear that people just don’t realize what has been done to this country — every time they think they do it gets worse.
This election my M.O. was that I was going to see things for myself and not rely on the traditional media. And so I went out to capture the pulse of the country. Of course, I saw a lot more that I would never have imagined, more intimately than most; because unlike most people
- I actually went to KICC towards the tail end of the announcement that set things off. I fashioned my own Media badge (scrutiny was quite cursory) and took myself there. I saw with my own eyes doctored tally sheets. I saw the infamous 16A and remember laughing outright when the figure the chairman read out was absurdly different from what was on some of the actual forms.
- I actually visited some polling stations and saw clumsy attempts to modify tally sheets
- I actually went out and into the Mukuru slums a couple of days after the residents stoned our houses and forced us into an impromptu curfew. I have seen horrible things and heard horrible tales. I have inhaled quite a bit of teargas and my reflexes to sounds like gunfire have to be seen to be believed.
- I still go out to Mukuru even now. I tell you its one thing to see these people on TV and it is quite another to talk to them and share their experiences.
In fact that is what I think every man and woman of goodwill who is serious about helping should be doing. Personally I think we’ve had enough of these bullshit conferences, press briefings and what nots. Enough of them. The same things are said over and over again. What new things are said? People just go there, make the same old same old bleating for peace, then get into their 4×4s and drive to their cushy estates. I no longer attend these things because I fail to see the value that they add. There comes a point when you must stop talking and start doing.
You can’t appeal for peace on TV. You must do it face to face. So please, spare us these media briefings and press conferences. We can only get peace by making people see sense one at a time. So the more of us that do it, the sooner it will be done.
Some time back I shared my concerns that perhaps the youth have had a hand in the morass this country is currently in. Watching the footage of events in Nakuru and Nyahururu leaves me in little doubt.
Granted, this was started by politicians. The elections were just the flint that set alight the situation. However I refuse to absolve the participants of the mayhem of their share of the blame. The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day you must take responsibility for your actions.
If you threw stones, hacked people, burnt houses or looted then you are also to blame.
If you didn’t throw stones or hack or burn or loot but you spread hate through your blogs, your text messages, your emails and your conversations, please believe you are just as bad as the panga wielding youths. You are equally to blame.
It was absolutely chilling yesterday to watch footage of rowdy youths pulling men out of matatus and proceeding to lynch them.
I have for a long time been opposed to capital punishment. But now I ask myself would I really shed a tear if these murderers and looters in Eldoret. Kisumu, Nakuru, Naivasha, Molo, Kuresoi etc were strung up? I doubt it.
QuestionsWhat I want to know is
- Where is the President? Mr Kibaki cannot have it both ways. If he insists he is the duly elected president then it is incumbent upon him to act accordingly. He must not only do something, he must be seen to be doing something.
- Where are our MPs? Why are they all here in Nairobi, and it is on record that they have only done a single day’s work? All MPs should be on the ground in their own constituencies doing their bit to ensure that this madness ends. We’ve had enough press conferences from comfortable hotels saying the same thing. Mr Kibaki should be in Othaya. Mr Odinga should be in Kibera. All their lieutenants should be at their constituencies moving from door to door campaigning for this foolishness to end. I won’t buy any arguments about government having to continue. What is there to govern?
- Where is the Church? I’m not impressed at all by any of the churches in Kenya. The Catholic Church, The Anglican Church, the Islamic community and the Independent churches have been very lethargic indeed. What happened to the men of faith who did not hesitate to speak for the people in word and in deed like Bishops Muge? Okullu? Gitari? Why are their successors so quietly lethargic?
- Why wasn’t the Army deployed in Eldoret 3 weeks ago?
- Kenya is an oasis of peace. Is it now?
- Kenyans are a deeply religious people. I find it difficult to reconcile this alleged deep devotion to The Maker, the innumerable filled churches and mosques and the images of brother turning against brother with crude weapons. It is bandied about that Kenya is 70% or so Christian. If this is so I can see much in the phrase “Jesus wept”.
- Kenya believes in the right of law. The ODM refuses to challenge the elections in court. While I understand their reluctance, it is also scoring an own goal because it can be argued that they are not going to challenge because they know they lost. Impasse right there. Also the PNU allege the ODM also committed electoral malpractice. Why have they not gone to court either?
[ED]It would appear ODM Embakasi MP [ED]Mugabe Were was shot outside his compound. This is the absolute worst time for such a thing to happen.
AOBMy attention has been drawn to an online equivalent of a pissing contest. My response is exactly what it was before. There is nothing magical about blogging that absolves you from the responsibility to check your facts before you post them. There is nothing magical about it that makes it okay for you to say as you please without repercussion. Everyone has their own opinions on what blogging ought to be. For some it is a means to diary their exploits. For others it is a cash cow. For others it is a means to build castles in the air. For others it is an opportunity to be big fish in small ponds. For others it is a way to purge their souls. For others it is a way to express their creativity. For others it is a ticket to yet another blogging conference. For others like me — it is a way to express what I happen to be thinking.
But make no mistake about it. Whatever your reasons it is still incumbent upon you to be responsible with whatever you blog. My idea of responsibility is that if you are purporting to be speaking as someone telling people authoritatively what is happening on the ground, you’d best have your facts right as you write. Hoping that it turns out to be true later is not good enough. Hiding behind innuendo is not good enough.
Buzz words like ‘citizen media’ and ‘one man publishing press’ do not change a thing. Neither does pontification from behind podiums at conferences. At the end of the day bloggers are still human beings and must still be held responsible for their words and actions. Whether or not bloggers choose to get lost in their grandiose delusions of grandeur does not change a thing.
A WordPress installation does not exempt you from this any more than a calculator exempts you from knowing how to add.
A cursory glance at blogs today speaks for itself. Just read some of the blog posts that have been written over the past month. A good number make my skin positively crawl. What defence do all the authors of those ridiculous ‘letters’ have? Freedoms are not absolute. They have responsibilities as well.
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Kenya Burns!
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Folks Gone Crazy
Posted: January 17, 2008, 5:30 pm by