Items by Wildeyearnings

Wilde Yearnings

• Kwaheri Kenya....

  Posted: September 20, 2009, 10:05 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Hello, dear readers. My apologies for a very long and unexplained absence.
  
  I've been involved in some changes consisting of moving house, moving jobs and moving residence out of Kenya. The past or so two months have seen me pack up my life in Kenya ( with lots of sadness and tears for my beautiful Nairobi) and move to the United States.
  
  However Nairobi, I will be back.
  
  Its been a tumultous time and trying to get everything sorted left me with no time to blog!
  
  I got to the Capitol just in time to witness the frothing moronic anti- Obama protestors matching around DC. A few words with four of them showed they were protesting not so much about the health care bill but more about the fact that a non-white president is now leading their country. Most of you know my disdain for racism and all other forms of xenophobia. This is why I miss Kenya :-(.
  
  Apart from that, I'm now once again in the same State as my brother and two of my sisters. Its great to be amongst family again- though I might have to get a reinforced lock on my front door to keep out my sisters' impromptu visits on Saturday mornings. I wouldn't want to be interrupted in case I have a 'guest'(or two) over. :)
  
  I don't know if I'll be able to blog regularly at the moment, but I'll still be around and reading all your blogs!
  
  Till then, see y'all around on blogosphere.

• Mono-who?

  Posted: July 31, 2009, 9:03 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I just discovered something about myself! Monogamy's really not my strong point....hmmm...never would've guessed.
  
  It goes something like this:
  
  ooooohhhh hot guy- yum; he's checking me out- very cool; little eye-sex- I like!; He turns around- I'd hit that! Monogamy- Mono-who?
  
  Nowhere in this thought process does the phrase "I'm not available' cross my mind.
  
  Oops. My bad. FML.
  
  Also hello fellow bloggers! I'm almost home- been travelling around for the last month or so and I miss my house and Nairobi traffic!

• Wilde B Pimpin'

  Posted: July 2, 2009, 4:18 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  You know those days at work when you just don't feel like working but have to look like you're working?.. sounds familiar anyone.
  
  For those days, I present one of the most interesting sites. FML ( Fuck My Life). Check it out. It's hilarious.
  
  Warning: Will make you laugh out loud (for realz), so if you have a boring job- it might look suspicious if you're constantly guffawing.
  
  Some of my favorites:
  
  

  Today I logged into my facebook account and saw that one of my friend's was listed as being 'in a relationship'. I was happy for her so I clicked the 'Like' button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML
  
  Today my girlfriend and I were about to have sex when she asked me to " do that thing which we did yesterday'. We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML
  
  Today I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
  
  Today I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted her boyfriend was there but he didn't relent. So I went over to help her by putting my arm around her. The drunk guy walked off but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
  
  Today my mom asked me to stop using her lotion for masturbation. I asked her how she knew. She replied with "Ever since we put the camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn'. FML

  
  
  
  If you think your life is bad, a few minutes on this website should cheer you up. :)
  
  Lovely weekend folks.

• Eye-sex: The Aftermath

  Posted: July 1, 2009, 3:26 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I blogged about a certain gorgeous guy I'd been involved with in a mutual staring phase during a dull seminar. I guess I need to update y'all.
  
  So at the first convenient break I saunter over to him, all casual-like, and start a general conversation. He's still doing that eye-fuck thing ( damn he's got sexy eyes) and I can barely concentrate on what he's telling me. Wildey is truly hooked at this point and I'd gladly give up my first-born for just one session with this eye-god.
  
  Anyway we quickly get over the preliminaries, source an invite for drinks before dinner at the hotel bar...Game, set and match!
  
  Or so I think.
  
  Fast forward to evening drinks... one gin and tonic later, we're in my room (it was nearer the bar than his).
  
  We commence a pleasurable and rapid descent into what should be passionate coitus. But if there’s one thing you can always rely on to make things awkward, it is prophylactics. Suddenly realizing that a condom is a vital tool in any responsible session, I lean over to my as yet unpacked suitcase and fumble around for one.
  
  
  No.fucking.way!!!!!!! Talk about coitus interruptus.
  
  Nothing, nada, hakuna. What is this fuckery?
  
  Well S.H.I.T. My penis is having a minor breakdown at this point.
  
  
  Cock-blocked by myself. Thats a new one.

• The King is Dead but the Legend Lives On...

  Posted: June 26, 2009, 12:34 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  
  
  
  
  RIP MJ. You now have the whole sky to moonwalk on....

• Eye-Sex

  Posted: June 25, 2009, 5:10 pm by Wildeyearnings

  aka * Eyefucking TM... which is what is going on this minute with the gorgeous blond brandmanager sitting across from me at this workshop I'm at.
  
  No... I'm not making it up- he's definitely got the eye-sex thing going on and it's fucking distracting.
  
  Wilde is ready to play...
  
  Wish me luck folks. :)

• The Guilty Pleasures Post!

  Posted: June 12, 2009, 3:45 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Its Friday and that means confession time bloggers.
  
  C'mon share some of your most embarassing, private (not for long LOL) guilty pleasures.
  
  For your consideration: Wilde's guilty pleasures:
  
  a) Romantic comedies
  b) Britney Spears ( I know my coolness factor has dropped to -34 but..c'mon...I dare you to listen to "iF yoU seek(C) aMy" and not be totally thrilled by the innuendo therein)
  c) Politically incorrect jokes... I'm going to hell I know. They are hilarous though- especially when they're true ( oops)
  d) Really bad boyband pop music ...introducing New Kids on the Block ( I blame Malaika for this. She brainwashed me into secretly listening to 'Hangin Tough and their 12 or so other cheesy songs... and liking them!
  e) Reading the Pulse every Friday ( Kenyans will identify with this and back away from me slowly)
  f) The Girls of the Playboy Mansion(And yes I'm gay and the show consists of (half)naked girls and a doddering old man and it totally sucks- but its like an evil drug that drew me in and won't let me go!) Why did it have to end, why????
  g) Bollywood movies...because they are full of fabulosity
  
  So, wanna share one or two of yours?
  
  Lovely weekend all.

• Just sayin'

  Posted: June 9, 2009, 7:08 pm by Wildeyearnings

  A piece of wilde advice:
  
  If you're gonna have sex in a hotel room, then please for buddha's sake- make sure that:
  
  a)Your partner is not a screamer (a gag would come in handy)
  b) Or if he/she is, then the sex had better be damn good to compensate the reparation that would inevitably have to be made the next morning.
  c) Leave the hotel at 4:00 a.m. before your neighbours wake up.
  d) To accomplish the above, please remember to set your alarm before you fall sleep.
  
  *grumbles* damn screamers

• Through the words of others...

  Posted: June 5, 2009, 2:54 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  I often collect random quotes from people around me especially when they are unintentionally hilarious. Here are some:
  
  Dad: in an email to me last week: ; And how come every time you come over I don't have any whisky left?
  
  My good friend P: (who shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons): You guys, who put drugs in the weed!?
  
  Older sister in a family email commenting on how utterly lacking of faboulosity my life is: Gawd Wilde,what kind of gay man are you that doesn't have nekkid pictures of himself or at least a sex video on the internet? A disgrace to your people you are!(keep in mind my father is reading this)
  
  Another sister watching some telly show gives out TMI: If the man attached to those thighs asked me to stop drinking forever and ever, I'd probably do it.
  
  Wamz ( one of my close friends): I'm not horny, I'm enlightened.
  (the reason I found this so funny is because it was such a random declaration. It came out of nowhere as three of us were in the car talking about Obama, Arabs and Migingo Island. This was his contribution.)
  
  Malaika ( who comments on here frequently) : (I was bunking in her house and we accidentally ran into each other in the shower. I quickly covered my prime parts with my hands to save her some embarrasment. I needn't have bothered).
  Malaika: (irritated) Oh for Gods sake. What are you covering up for? Even if I see it, its not like I'll get to use it!
  
  
  Lovely weekend folks!

• Someone killed my muse...

  Posted: June 3, 2009, 6:25 pm by Wildeyearnings

  ...and left me high and dry.
  
  My blog muse that is... I have serious writers block and yet so much to say!
  
  Also my little sister is leaving me soon to go to her fathers house to spend some time with the old man before she starts college. I'm really going to miss her! And to think my first post about her here was marvelling at her 'teenagerhood'. And therefore this post is dedicated to her because she's one of the most fabulous people I know and puts the 'f' in fierce. Oh yeah by the way, she gave up on growing her dreadlocks out- which I'm very sad about. She brought tears to my eyes (of laughter) every night.
  
  My boy and I (for lack of a better word) called it quits.. I never really mentioned him here but we were casual but steady for a while. And I think he got tired of competing with the fact that I'm in love with someone else, and decided to break it off- which is good for him and perfectly understandable. I'm sad because I should be more cut up about it than I am, but I'm not, which proves I'm still hang up over someone I shouldn't have. Oh well... C'est la vie.
  
  My neighbour has been making googly eyes at me recently. Or maybe he's having sight problems. I would be flattered by this if he wasn't on the wrong side of 50, married and so deep in his closet that he's probably found Narnia by now. I wonder how he knows I'm gay though...? maybe its my fuschia pink lip-gloss... ( I kid, I kid).
  
  And maybe its fitting to end this very uninspired post to confess that when I met my best friend whom I hadn't seen in a while ( he lives in a different country), all the feelings that I tried so hard to wish away through various ways- sex, work, sports, more sex, all came back double-fold. Anyway this is me seeing him and having a running internal monologue "Oh God you look so good! focus! he's married! missed you like crazy! married! who gives a frak!" etc... well, you get the picture.
  
  So in an effort to keep myself from throwing myself at his feet and begging him to 'just take me now dammit!', I did what any clueless, whipped man would do and made like a douchebag. I set my demeanor to "I don't give a damn about you, and I'm going to be professional about it". I ignored regret and embraced the inner asshole. And since then he's treated me like I have Mad-Gay-Guy disease, not calling or emailing. It is downhill from here.
  
  One part of me wants to sink deep, deep into self-pitying wankerism, and the other part..well the other part thinks maybe I did good and saved myself some embarrasing episode.

• Colour me impressed...

  Posted: June 2, 2009, 8:46 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  
  
  
  BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
  
  A PROCLAMATION
  
  Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.
  
  LGBT Americans have made, and continue to make, great and lasting contributions that continue to strengthen the fabric of American society. There are many well-respected LGBT leaders in all professional fields, including the arts and business communities. LGBT Americans also mobilized the Nation to respond to the domestic HIV/AIDS epidemic and have played a vital role in broadening this country's response to the HIV pandemic.
  
  Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement, more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before. I am proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration. These individuals embody the best qualities we seek in public servants, and across my Administration -- in both the White House and the Federal agencies -- openly LGBT employees are doing their jobs with distinction and professionalism.
  
  The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.
  
  My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.
  
  These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
  
  NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.
  
  IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
  
  BARACK OBAMA

• 'Sup?

  Posted: May 27, 2009, 3:55 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Back from a long trip in the wilderness and just stopping by for a few rants while on my way to my first hot shower in 3 freakin' weeks! Praise the gods of my ancestors.
  
  Hope my blogren have been good while I was away. Going to catch up on what I've missed and share whats been going on with me.
  
  But first a word from our sponsors: Inspired by many, many conversations starting with "OMG Wilde- are you gay????"
  
  on Christianity:
  
  1) Christians huh? Thats a lifestyle choice I don't agree with.
  2) Well no one's born christian- its a choice you make- its not natural.
  3) You're a christian? OMG! But you look so....normal.
  4) (take 2) You're a christian? Wow... then you must know x. He/she's also christian- you know you lot always hang out together.
  5) But how can you be christian? Its not African!
  6) (take 2) christianity! just another thing imported from the West- it just aint African
  
  
  
  
  And I make my exit before the bibles and crosses start being flung at me :)
  
  See y'all in a bit.
  
  W

• Honest Scrap! Me! Me!

  Posted: April 27, 2009, 3:10 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  Thanks to Tamaku and Pater Nostra, I''ve been given the absolutely awesome honour of accepting the Honest Scrap Award.
  
  Apparently this award is given annually to the sexiest, most good-looking blogger. I accept it with humility and a sense of entitlement because after all...who else could have won it? ;) (Well the citation really reads “This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.” But we'll pretend they meant what I wrote)
  
  To accept the award I have to list 10 honest things about me. Here goes:
  
  

  10. I’ve learnt that kids tv or the Disney channel is so much more entertaining with alcohol inside you.
  
  9. The first time I had sex with a man I was so emotional I cried… for a whole hour. Poor guy thought I was high on drugs and I was so embarrassed I went along with it. ( Y’all can stop laughing now…move along…)
  
  8. I finally grew about 4 hairs on my chin when I was 23.
  
  7. I’m a slob- I trim my toe-nails in the lounge, I leave pizza cartons in the TV den and my dog sometimes sleeps on my bed ;but the interior of my car is disinfected regularly and cleaner than an operating theatre in a hospital. Priorities, priorities…
  
  6. My little sister is trying to grow dreadlocks and this effort provides me with unending comic relief each evening from work. I am easily amused.
  
  5. My weirdest sexual encounter was a guy who took me home, told me to dress up in a lycra jogging suit and dance to George Micheal’s ‘Wake me up before you go-go’…. and then sent me home high, dry and unfulfilled. But he apparently got off from my dancing….sigh…the things I do for the good of man.
  
  4. Last night I was chopping onions. So what do I decide to do when my eyes start watering? Wipe them with my hands! Einstein, that’s me.
  
  3. I find listing 10 things about me so hard! ( I know I’ m cheating a bit here…)
  
  2. I’m fascinated with body hair on men- arm hair, chest hair, facial stubble, back hair ( I know!), thigh hair, the v-trail leading down to the groin ( I need a moment over here)…but I cannot stand moustaches (on men or women). I’m the king of contradiction.
  
  1. I speak in a really weird accent- its half British public school accent, quarter Nairobi accent (interspersed liberally with haiya, woiye, manze and kwani) and quarter Coasterian accent (as a result of growing up along Kenya’s coastal region). But my Swahili is spoken like a true native- not the Nairobi watu-wa-bara type but the original pwani accent. I speak 5 languages and I’m fluent in three of these.

  
  
  All readers, consider yourselves awarded and feel free to list 10 awesomely honest things about you.

• OUT in the open

  Posted: April 24, 2009, 5:06 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  Last weekend was one of the most enjoyable times I've had in a while.
  
  I attended a party that one of my friend's was having, then enjoyed the rugby on Saturday afternoon- the Bamburi super 14's finals. It was, as is every sport event in Kenya, electric. Nairobi folk sure know how to have a good time.
  
  At the rugby, a young man comes up to me and asks me if I am the author of a gay Kenyan blog- Wildeyearnings. I think the look of shock on my face was answer enough. He then assured me that he was gay too and just thought that the 'pointy*-looking guy sitting there surrounded by cans of beer fit the description of me on my blog!'
  
  LOL @ this description of me which is sadly quite true- the beer part :)
  
  (* Pointy = Kenyan slang to describe mixed race individuals. Pointy derives from the phrase point five i.e you're half of each race or 0.5 (zero point five) of the whole)
  
  It was nice to meet him- and he was so polite too. We didn't exchange names unfortunately or have time for further conversation- being surrounded by half-drunk chanting rugby fans is generally not conducive to meaningful conversation - so this post is a shout-out to the blog reader, fellow rugby fan and one of the politest gentlemen I've met in a while!
  
  So yes, next time you see someone, not quite one-colour, sitting with bottles of that awesome brew and cursing at the rugby referree. come say hi!
  
  Lovely weekend folks.

• Gays of our Lives

  Posted: April 15, 2009, 6:07 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I don't watch much tv outside of sports. DSTV (a digital tv service available in most African countries) has about 9 sports channels dedicated to sports 24 hours a day, making this one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. :)
  
  Well anyway, my attention was drawn by my sister to a local Kenyan sitcom/soap called Wash n Set which apparently features a gay characterin a minor role. The sitcom is based on the antics in a Nairobi hairdressing parlour so I suppose having a gay character, was inevitable. I watched this show...and well... no comment on the show itself ;). However I was rather tickled to see an extremely flamboyantly acting young man in the show. No one ever refers to his sexuality though but there are several innuendos/nuances.
  
  Fascinating stuff! To have a gay character (even if its never actually referred to) on a local Kenyan TV channel? You'd think this would invoke shock, froth and outrage from the ultra conservative Kenyan religious junta... but surprisingly none has been forthcoming. Perhaps we're too busy following the yawn-fest that is our coalition government's antics?
  
  It is ironic that DSTV, which a South African based digital tv network broadcasts quite a number of television shows with gay characters and these are shown in a number of African countries, most of which criminalise same-sex relationships in varying degrees. (South Africa is the only African country that recognises same-sex marriage and relationships and guarantees the same protection under the law). So the queer folk like me do get to enjoy some gay moments on TV every now and again. Kudos SA!
  
  Anyway, to celebrate fictional gay characters on TV, here are some of sister's favourites: (She's got good taste- and I am taking full reponsibility for that :) All these shows are shown on DSTV.
  
  UK's teen drama Skins ( that my sister adores). Lots of stuff in a teens life; you know -teen angst, relationships, alcohol abuse, more angst, A-levels, pregnancy scares, even more angst etc and features a gay character as one of the main cast members.
  
  
  
  An American drama: Greek- Calvin and Michael - an interracial gay couple which warms my heart...and other parts....
  
  
  
  From the US, comedy drama Ugly Bettty- which I've actually never sat down and watched. I must rectify this as I adore Vanessa Williams. Marc is Vanessa's character's openly gay assistant on the show.
  
  
  
  
  
  From the UK, a teen drama: Hollyoaks- John Paul and Craig (this picture alone almost makes me want to move back to the UK...almost.)
  
  
  
  UK's Torchwood- I actually watch this one sometimes.For fans of the British cult series Dr. Who, Torchwood is a spin-off starring Captain Jack Harkness. There are about 1000001 awesome things about this show, I can't list them all! We have an openly gay actor, John Barrowman, playing a bisexual alien-hunting, coat-wearing hero. Captain Jack who is from the 51st Century doesn't mind a bit of nookie with man, woman or alien! Now this my my kinda guy!
  
  
  
  
  
  And just because I can, I leave you with ( openly straight) Taye Diggs because he makes being stuck in the office in this sweltering heat so much more bearable.
  
  

• I aint Gay!!!

  Posted: April 14, 2009, 1:00 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Breaking Easter news this weekend in Kenya:
  Kenya's Prime Minister declares he is not gay.
  
  In other news:
  
  Who fucking cares?

• What if: Kenya Decriminalised Homosexuality?

  Posted: April 7, 2009, 5:08 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Tamaku (Diary of a Gay Kenyan) is running a poll on his blog with the question: Should Kenya decriminalise homosexuality?
  
  Gay Uganda (GUG) is painstakingly documenting the fight by religious extremists and some government officials in Uganda to eliminate the 'terrible un-African' value of homosexuality. (Conveniently forgetting that one of their traditional Kings -Kabaka-was gay). But pay no mind to petty and accurate things like history.
  
  In the spirit of these efforts, I took it upon myself to 'research' into the effects of decriminalising homosexuality in Kenya. Would Kenya descend into ethnically-fuelled violence? Would there be a widespread ( man-made) famine and massive loss of jobs? Would Kenya beat Nigeria in the world cup qualifiers? Would Kalembe finally, finally become President of Kenya?
  
  Although I am gay, I remained impartial through the whole process of collecting data.
  
  I present you my 'findings' (LOL):
  
  What would happen if Kenya Decriminalises Homosexuality?
  
  
  
  
  
  Makes you think huh?

• A Journey Worth Taking.. by A Sentimental Old Bastard

  Posted: April 2, 2009, 5:38 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  Its been one hell of a ride!
  
  A year ago I started this blog originally just to vocalise my feelings. Primarily the fact that I was in love with my straight best friend and basically screwed. (pun not intended..much)
  
  Anyway so basically my first post was cringingly cliché . It was My Journey's Just Began LOL!...really, it has? (not obvious at all then)
  
  My second post went something like

  I'm in Love with my straight best friend and I'm in deep shit

  ( I was so eloquent even then. Mother would've been proud.)
  
  So the thing is:
  My best friend did get married and I found out people actually don't die of heart ache ( but it does hurt like a mo'fo'),
  
  I put up pictures of the most mouth wateringly hot guys ever (Hey what happened to them? I hear you asking),
  
  I posted really embarrasing stories about myself like the night I got chips fungwad (i.e for non-Kenyans the day I had a one-night stand ),
  
  I wrote about the day I came out to my parents,
  
  I confessed that I once had a crush on my brother-in-law (I see a pattern here, don't you?),
  
  I warned you against getting your intimates pierced ( bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, very bad idea- I cannot stress that enough).
  
  And despite being the guy that no mother or father should ever meet, y'all stuck with me!
  
  In the process, I got to meet (on blogger) the great Blogren: see blog list and villagers on the side. Special mention to those who don't appear on the list but make my day when you do come here- malaika, kenyan chic,otti, canuckchic,leonardo...etc y'all rock.
  And thanks all of you anons who comment- you make my day.
  
  I also got several emails sent to me each week which in summary consist of:
  
  1. I'm a tourist coming to Kenya- wanna hook up for a bit of nookie?
  2. Do you wanna date me?
  3. I'm in love with you, please call me! ( numbers provided and all)
  4. No.2 continued.. you don't want to date me!!!!?? OMG! But why? I'm in love with you! (I think no. 2,3 and 4 are the same person...too much of a coincidence methinks)
  5. Get saved, repent and the Lord will save you from hell. ( erm.. thanks...but I like it down here ok. And its ok if I'm going to hell at least I'll finally get to meet you dear Christian-who writes-me-every-week-to-save-my-gay-ass-from-satan)
  5. I know who you are! You are XXXXXXX aren't you?
  You aren't? Are you sure you're not him? Then you're VVVVVV? Am I right Am I?
  
  I should mention here that Emailer No. 5 and I have become really good penpals. :) He/she emails me every week attempting to identify me. Its become really fun. I even miss those emails when they don't come. And now we even email back and forth over non-identity issues. Last week I asked he/she for advice on where to buy the freshest veggies in Nairobi. I wonder if No. 5 stalked the vegetable vendor all of last week waiting for me (feels evil muaha ha ha ha).
  
  I've had a blast this past year and I never thought I'd still be posting and there's lots more to come! Yay for blogger!
  
  Like did I ever tell you of the time I went on my first gay date in college?
  No?
  Well , a little short guy greeted me at the door wearing a Star Wars costume when I picked him up for our first, and last,date. I don't think he liked it when I laughed so hard I cried. The way he slammed the door in my face was a clue.
  

• Grumble...

  Posted: March 31, 2009, 2:28 pm by Wildeyearnings

  While parked in Westlands on Sunday night, someone threw a Heineken bottle at my car and broke my side mirror.
  
  Proof that assholes drink shite beer.

• Exit... stage left

  Posted: March 27, 2009, 9:10 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  My plans for this weekend:
  
  Get Paycheck, Get Trashed, Get Laid.
  
  And not necessarily in that order.
  
  Have a good one folks.

• Snapshots from a Life

  Posted: March 25, 2009, 12:44 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Caution: Extremely random - proceed at your own risk.
  
  If life was music:
  
  Prelude
  His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven. His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved.
  Songs of Solomon
  
  
  Minuet
  Three nights ago: I glance over to my younger sister sleeping on the sofa.
  
  I feel such an outpouring of love like probably only parents feel when they first hold their new-borns in their arms. At least I probably think thats how they feel.
  In that moment, I experience a sense of melancholy at the fact that I'm probably not going to have any children of my own.
  
  The moment grows into minutes- I abandon the tv sitcom we'd been watching and just look at this person, this person who resembles me in so many ways: Same eyes, same nose, same unruly hair and the same spark of mischief in her eyes.
  I love her very much. But in that moment, I'd die for her, quite literally.
  I want to protect her from all the hate, the discrimination and the disappointments she'll inevitably face in life but I know I can't.
  
  She opens her eyes, perhaps feeling my gaze. We study each other solemnly for a few seconds. She says sardonically: "You're creeping me out. Stop staring."
  The moment is broken.
  
  I smile and send her off to bed.
  
  She gets up and walks off...but then comes back to give me a little hug and kiss goodnight. This surpises me. We're usually never that sentimental.
  But perhaps she also feels the moment.
  
  She walks off.
  
  I see traces of my mother in her.
  
  
  Romanze-Andante
  A hug, a manly pounding of the shoulders to say hello.
  
  An exchange of mutual "Its so nice to see you again!"
  
  An uneasy few seconds of remembered conversations and deeds quickly dissolve into the never-forgotten camaraderie of best friends.
  
  Catching up with old friends, best friends is so much fun.
  
  Laughter flows easily, successes are toasted and acquaintances are dissected.
  
  Behind it all, though, there is the unspoken conversation waiting to happen.
  
  This lurking minefield is resolutely ignored. A mutual decision. Not referred to at all.
  
  Emotions are carefully hidden and masks of happiness put firmly in place.
  
  I'm able to turn my mind into a blank page or recite code in my head to stay distracted and deny the truth ... just so long as we're not touching.
  
  
  Finale
  At 19, I knew a guy who on the surface appeared to be obsessed with sports, girls and boozing.
  
  Underneath the macho layer was a guy who liked sports, men and boozing.
  
  I like this guy. I see him everday. A mirror reflection of me.

• Pure Imperfection

  Posted: March 23, 2009, 6:59 pm by Wildeyearnings

  You know when you spend time with THAT person, just doing the most ordinary, little things?
  
  Yeah? You do?
  
  It's like being enveloped in the warmest, perfect coat while sharing laughter with someone you feel the world for.
  
  *sighs*

• It is how it is... of boobs, moobs and general chit chat

  Posted: March 18, 2009, 2:27 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  or Conversations with a Gay Man:
  
  Introducing Kim and Wamz: Together we make up the troika of fabulousness.
  
  Kim and Wamz are both straight. Kim's been married for five years, Wamz is one of those Kenyan confirmed-bachelors (read player).
  
  I’ve known Wamz all my life and Kim for about 10 years now. I love ‘em to bits but that doesn’t stop them ribbing me every now and then about my sexuality. All in good fun of course and no malice in it.
  
  At the pub last night, after getting ourselves thoroughly mellowed, we got into a very interesting conversation, set off by an observation from Kim about an article in one of the daily’s on sex ( heterosexual sex that is).
  
  Kim wanted to know what body parts attracted us first - i.e in Nairobi-speak, were we 'boob' men or 'booty men'? Amused I opted out of this conversation for obvious reasons and watched the lads fight it out. However they didn't let me off the hook for too long.
  
  Wamz turns to me and wants to know if I missed out on all the benefits of being attracted to the opposite sex, me being gay and all.
  
  Amused, I pointed out that I'd probably get more that he ever would and that sometimes gay men didn't have to go through the whole ceremony of flirt, impress, woo, seduce, then either score or strike-out. Sometimes its was easy as making a try at the first effort. (excuse the rugby-speak).
  
  They both nodded at this and looked at me a little bit enviously.
  
  “I wish I was gay.” Wamz sighed, more than a little envious.
  
  “Me too,” Kim agreed, “I would be gay but I don’t think that I could give up the boobs. If only men had boobs.”
  
  “What you need,” Wamz replied, “Is a fat man. With man- boobs. Moobs.”
  
  “Ooh like Jack Black!” Kim smirks.
  
  “Do you miss boobs?” Kim asks me.
  
  I shrug, “Not especially.”
  
  “You never were a boob man though were you?” Wamz asks, “I mean M (my ex-girl friend back in my teens) was hardly Pamela Anderson.”
  
  "Maybe it was his subconscious telling him that he's more of a cock man." Kim suggests.
  
  
  I love my friends.

• Dear Universe,

  Posted: March 16, 2009, 7:37 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I appreciate that irony is one of the things you do best and often, I might add. I know that one of your favourite reactons from us lowly human beings is 'Why {insert appropriate deity} Why!!!???
  
  I also understand that nothing makes you happier than to see your lowly subjects fucked to shit. (excuse my Swahili).
  
  However Universe sir, Your Highness, do you honestly sincerely swear by your er.... majestyship, that it is necessary to mind-fuck your loyal subject over and over again? Why in the world would you room your loyal subject with the object of affection he can never, ever have for a whole three days?
  
  Seriously why?
  
  Yours,
  
  Loyal devotee

• Observations

  Posted: March 12, 2009, 1:08 pm by Wildeyearnings

  You know you're over 30 when 'buy condoms' has been on your to-do list for a week and you haven't done anything about it.

• Oscars - Kenyan style

  Posted: February 24, 2009, 1:02 pm by Wildeyearnings

  I laughed out loud when I saw one of our daily newspapers today with the following apt depiction of our political leaders...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  It is also really sad that people in Kenya are facing a severe food shortage because a cartel of politicians sold the maize that was in our national granaries to Sudan. And then our government has the gall to ask for relief aid from western countries!!! Shocking.
  
  Big oil cartels in Kenya have effectively overseen the grinding to halt of industries in Kenya due to a shortage of pertroleum products (stolen by the powerful few),
  
  The people responsible for the violence that rocked Kenya in 2008 leading to thousands of deaths and displaced persons will probably get off scot free thanks to 'political connections'.
  
  With the global recession looming over us, this is not looking like a good year for Kenyans (and all thanks to the dedicated looting of the greedy few).
  
  I love my country but we seriously need to lose some of our 'leaders'. I use this word in the loosest possible way.
  
  Problem is we don't want them and no other country in their right mind wants them. So what to do? Perhaps 'accidentally' leave them stranded on a desert island? Have our very own Pirates of Somalia kidnap them and then refuse..erm... I mean forget to pay the ransom? Turn them over to the ultra scary Free Republicans ( freepers)over in the States?
  
  Decisions, decisions...

• Do you know of......?

  Posted: February 23, 2009, 5:13 pm by Wildeyearnings

  An email from a reader:
  
  

  Hallo,
  
  I enjoy reading your blog as well as other great blogs by gay Africans. Coming from the western world, it is indeed gratifying to know that we face many of the same issues as LGBTI people and supporters in Africa. It is also a learning experience for me to know about Africa generally.
  
  One question if you would be so kind to indulge me: would you know why there are not many blogs about lesbians or transgender peoples in Africa. I know they exist but have not come across any such blogs. Why do you think this is? And are the problems gay men face equal to the problems that the other LGBTI communities face in Africa?
  
  I thank you for taking time to read and hopefully to reply.
  
  Grazia!

  
  
  
  Very interesting indeed. Upon reading this, I tried googling blogs on lesbian, bisexual and transgendered folk in Africa but didn't stumble across any. Any of you faithful readers know of any such blog? Please point me in the right direction. Or start one! I would love to read some.

• Slow Burn feat. Wilde

  Posted: February 18, 2009, 12:56 pm by Wildeyearnings

  You know I don't mean to be vulgar , but I have to say that celibacy makes one have loads of free time on one’s hands. So much time indeed that its enough to think up of every conceivable vocabulary for a certain activity. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
  
  

  wank, jerk, monkey-spank, bishop-bash, oboeplay, cleaning the flute, choking the bishop, strangling the Cardinal like a mountain gorilla on crack…

  
  
  Any additions? C’mon! Y’all know you wanna contribute ;)
  
  Edit: yanking the chain, fisting your mister, buffing the banana, cleaning your rifle, walking the dog, kupiga punyeto, massaging Abdallah, Riem ruk (yanking a chain), Mielie Kielie (Tickling a corn cob), beating your meat, a date with Uncle Palm and his five sons.
  
  
  Y'all are awesome. Thanks! :)

• Brotherly Love

  Posted: February 12, 2009, 11:43 am by Wildeyearnings

  When I was 7, I was the brunt of the pack, (that is, my parents pack of puppies) which consisted of my brother (the oldest), two older sisters, me, my younger sister. The youngest was not in existence at this point.
  
  Anyway being one of the younger ones, I was regularly picked on and enslaved (yes enslaved!) by the old’s. I was at their beck and call ( although my oldest sister also used a certain whip to keep me in line) I’m still traumatised by that one. Torture I tell you!
  
  It was about this time that the older girls were going into puberty and my mum used to take them aside for ‘girl talks’. Of course my brother who was 13 at the time just needed to know what the hell these girl talks were about. And being the convenient slave, I was (forcefully) recruited on a spying and retrieval mission.
  
  Being sneaky and very, very scared of failing and having to face my brother, I managed to get some pamphlets the girls had hidden in their room. My brother and I pored over these pamphlets on mood swings and menstrual cycles in the process being fascinated (my brother), scared and horrified (me- I was only 7!).
  
  Anyway from that day my brother took perverse pleasure in describing to me in detail about menstruation and all that appertained, including lurid descriptions of agony and blood and gore and also took on the responsibility of informing me whenever I was sulking or refusing to do what he told me to, that this would happen to me.
  
  I spent most of my seventh year thinking I was going to have mood swings and bleed from certain places every month for the rest of my life. My father finally set me straight when he found me examining myself in the bathroom one day, in a complete panic.
  
  The point of this story?
  
  No point really. I was just reminded of this as I was in the supermarket last night doing some shopping. On my shopping list, item no. 12 read in full- “OB tampons (read the label and make sure you get the rights size!!) and panty liners”.
  Oh I read the labels alright. I stood at the sanitary towel aisle for almost 20 minutes reading, comparing and shaking boxes (for weight??) And in the process getting strange looks from various persons (most of them ladies). The men, of course, gave my sympathetic grimaces as if to say Sorry bro I feel you!
  
  In the end, turns out I got it right! I’m a veteran at this now.
  
  (Waits in trepidation for the next shopping list).

• Retrospection...

  Posted: February 9, 2009, 11:43 am by Wildeyearnings

  
  When I turned 20, I was an excited ex-teenager at the brink of adulthood, looking forward to conquering the world (and popping my cherry).
  
  I had several great and important ;) things I planned to accomplish. (I'm still waiting on my silver aston martin though). There are of course lots of things that were on my to-do list which I haven't yet done. And lots of things I did which I shouldn't have!
  
  I've been looking back to a number of things that happened in my 20's...
  
  I've fallen in love...
  ...and watched the love of my life go off with another,
  I lost my beloved mama to cancer,
  I came out to my family and friends and came back to my beautiful Kenya,
  I finished school and started living (read paying off a mortgage),
  I've climbed Mt. Kenya and gone white-water rafting on the Zambezi,
  I've broken my foot attempting to ski in Aspen (black men and ski slopes don't go to together,
  I've been in the delivery room for the birth of my lovely niece and cut the cord and looked into her eyes and experienced love at sight,
  I had my tongue pierced (groovy!) and had a prince albert done one drunken night (worst decision of my life! Kids don't try this),
  I removed said piercings after I got bored of them (about three weeks later),
  I had a colonic irrigation in the Bronx while on a date; needless to say the date wasn't a success.
  
  Its been one hell of a ride these past 10 years. I've been through a whole gamut of emotions, experiences and feelings. And looking back, I wouldn't have missed any of it for the world! One thing thats different now that I'm on another brink is that I've made no lists, no to-do's and no expectations. I will take life as it comes. Savoir vivre!
  
  Here's looking forward to what the next 10 years bring!
  
  Salut!

• Introspection....

  Posted: February 6, 2009, 5:00 pm by Wildeyearnings

  O, Jonathan, slain upon the high places,
  
  I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan;
  
  Very pleasant hast thou been unto me:
  
  Thy love to me was wonderful,
  
  Passing the love of women

  
  
  
  WildeY be meditative today.
  
  ...and quite possibly a little bit needy ;)

• Dear WildeY

  Posted: February 3, 2009, 1:34 am by Wildeyearnings

  A reader (a straight Kenyan 25 year old woman) emailed me wanting advice. Now this is the part I usually leave to Gay Nairobi Man because he’s really good at the advice thing on account of being so much wiser than I am and also because he has such a way with words. (shameful flattery- but sincerely meant : )
  
  Well being Wildey, I didn’t think I ought to shortchange the innocent soul by purporting to ‘advise’ her so I asked her permission to post part of her email which she very kindly gave so that she’d get varied and (hopefully!!) helpful advice. She will of course, remain anonymous.
  
  

  Dear Wilde Yearnings,
  
  I came across your blog today while searching for information. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get your advice on something that has really been bothering me.Maybe to start off I should introduce myself. I am a 25 year old Kenyan women and I’m engaged to a 39 year old man. We have actually been living together for 7 months now. This is kidogo embarrassing but lately I have been having doubts about my fiancé. As in whether he’s really into me and really wants to get married to me. I don’t know if anything has changed because we only dated for 3 months before getting engaged and then moving in together. So I didn’t really know him before this.
  I think that either he is seeing someone else or is a gay man. I know that this is a really extreme conclusion to make but there have been some worrying signs. First is that he’s never interested in intimacy with me- I always initiate things and even then he doesn’t always show interest. Even before we moved in, he was always hesitant to even kiss and make out with me. I took it for being a gentleman? Maybe not.
  
  Second is that he’s 39 and never married. Im sure you know that it is African custom for most men to get married at least by their mid-thirties. And then I think he displays too much interest in his guy pals i.e he’s always going out with the boys and prefers to hang out with them. And he never talks about ex-girlfriends. I don’t think he’s had any.
  
  Last week I found in his collection of rental dvd’s that he had rented the movie Brokeback mountain. It is then that I started to put two and two together and started wondering if maybe he is gay? I have read that gay men sometimes hide in relationships with women so that people don’t find out. Anyway sorry for this long email. I just wanted to ask your advice as a gay man on how to find out if someone is gay. Should I just come out and just ask him? Or are there signs I can tell?
  
  Thank you.

  
  
  Well folks, what do you think?

• LGBTI- the East African Way

  Posted: February 2, 2009, 5:52 pm by Wildeyearnings

  UHAI’: the East African Sexual Health and Rights Initiative (EASHRI) is a new grantmaking initiative which aims to provide flexible, accessible resources to support civil society activism around issues of sexuality, health and human rights in the East African region (Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Rwanda, Burundi). It has a particular focus on the rights of sexual minorities.

  
  
  click HERE
  
  Looks interesting. Interested people might want to check it out. Or spread the word.

• Wilde (y) Things- Part One

  Posted: January 27, 2009, 12:22 pm by Wildeyearnings

  (n) Teenager - oxford dictionary: person between the age of thirteen and nineteen ( prone to strange and excessive habits ) really :)
  
  (n) Teenage girl- Wildeys dictionary- out of control, petulant, alien life form that inhabits the body of a previously docile sweet young thing.
  
  (n) Teenage angst *- Urban Dictionary- Someone (most likely a teenager) who is very attached to their sadness, and think they are the only person out there who has it bad.
  
  New year, new things, new developments... Wildey is a father.
  
  Ok if you wanna be technical about it- Wildey is a father figure. I have my 18 year old kid sister living with me for 6 months before she goes to Uni. Its not like I volunteered for the task but seeing as I'm the only family living in Kenya... I 'graciously' surrendered to the inevitable.
  
  I haven't really lived with my family since I was shipped off to British boarding school for my A-levels back in the 90's so this is a whole new experience for me.
  
  Also, whats up with teenage girls? I don't get it!
  
  Someone who was once a teenage girl, I need help (preferably boarding facilities- but advice will do for now).
  
  I love my kid sister- I do. But apparently evey once in a while (which is pretty much every two hours) some thing takes over her body and proceeds to scare the living daylights out of me.
  
  Case in point:
  Yesterday I had to succumb to a half-hour lecture from this previously sweet? much younger sister, much much smaller ( 5 foot 2 anyone?) ;) gargoyle over the sheer evilness of leaving the toilet seat up/hair in the shower (in my defence it was ONE microscopic strand) and using her shampoo (I only opened the bottle to sniff it I swear!).
  
  In the two weeks since she's invaded, I mean moved in... she has also:
  
  a) Maxed my credit card on carvings,paintings, ornaments, new linen etc... to 'modernise' my house.
  
  b) Encouraged her equally young friends to spend each evening at the house waiting for me to come home whereupon they begin to simper/flirt/serenade etc... me. ( Every. Night.People!) I now appreciate the joys of working late into the night. Can I get an Amen.
  Of course this denizen of 'sweetness and light' has conveniently neglected to inform them of my gayness ( proven I might add) and is really getting a kick out of my efforts to escape the progesterone fueled horde.
  
  c) Oh yes and speaking of gayness et al.. my little darling of delight has also scared away my erm...partner (just being polite here). Meaning no happy liasons, no mutual fulfilment, no ecstatic periods of extended appreciation of each others attributes and no sex.
  
  
  
  
  I know!!!!!!!!!
  
  
  
  On the bright side, I get to bond with her, we share a laugh together and my house is always clean :) and now...'modern looking' (whatever that is).
  
  So are all teenage girls like this? Or is mine just a mutated life form?

• *creeping in a bit shamefaced at how ...

  Posted: January 22, 2009, 1:01 pm by Wildeyearnings

  *creeping in a bit shamefaced at how late in the month this post is*
  
  Ermm... Happy New Year everyone!!! .
  
  I am still on blogosphere... fortunately for the girls and boys who all enjoy my deep intellectual narratives... LOLZ!... Lets face it folks, y'all are here for the SMUT. And I shall not disappoint...thats my New years Resolution.
  
  I do hope your holiday season was uneventful and/or memorable. I cannot fail to mention my dear friend on blogosphere, Billy, whose dear husband passed away on the 24th December. My thoughts and love are with you. Billy its lovely to see you here.
  
  I'm a bit sad Bush is gone... because he was the only comedic bright spot in my otherwise mundane life. ( I'm trying to keep a straight face saying this...its ...almost...worki...oh! who am I kidding!- So Long! Farewell! Its time to say Good bye! Open up the gay bars folks- W is history!)
  
  I changed jobs earlier this month- hence the disappearing act- was getting busy settled in (and trying to beat the firewalls on this damn work internet thing!). All in all I'm truly thankful for this year and looking forward to even better things.
  
  See you all soon!

• What I want for Christmas...

  Posted: December 20, 2008, 1:51 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Peace on Earth and good will to men.
  
  
  
  No.... seriously, peace- last year about this time Kenya was going into presidential elections which turned really ugly and led to a backlash of violence not seen before in independent Kenya. I hope this year Kenya and other areas do have a peaceful crossing over into next year.
  
  Goodwill to men....irrespective of race, religion, gender, sexuality.... lets stop the hate and try understanding and appreciating each others differences.
  
  (PS: Santa, I also want a paid holiday to Zanzibar, a new car and all my family back home for the holidays.)
  
  I guess I'm only getting the last one... but its so much worth more than anything else put together!
  
  Happy holidays everyone. Until 2009... I leave you with the twelve gays of christmas...
  
  

• Hmmm...

  Posted: December 16, 2008, 12:43 pm by Wildeyearnings

  A friend who thought I needed a style upgrade :) sent me Tom Ford's 10 rules of style.
  
  Number 10 caught my eye:
  
  

  There’s one indulgence every man should try in his lifetime: If you’re straight, sleep with a man at least once, and if you’re gay, don’t go through life without sleeping with a woman. Either way, you might be surprised at how natural it will feel if you can get past the mind-fuck of stereotypes. In the end, it’s just another person that you are relating to in a physical way.

  
  
  Hmmm... comments s'il vous plait?

• Jamhuri Day

  Posted: December 12, 2008, 2:09 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  12th December- Jamhuri or Independence Day in Kenya.Jamhuri is the Swahili word for "republic" and this holiday officially marks the date of Kenya's establishment as a republic.
  
  It's a public holiday today so Nairobi's slowed down somewhat. Most people are at home with family barbecuing in the sun. Its really lovely weather for this time of year. Unfortunately while everyone's relaxing, I'm in the office working... had some reports I had to finish :(.
  
  Today is of special significance to Kenyans because it is the day we became a fully independent republic in 1963. Prior to that Kenya was part of British East Africa- thus Kenyans were British subjects- my parents grew up singing ' God Save the King/Queen (depending on the monarch).
  
  On a hot sultry December night in 1963, for the first time the Kenyan National Anthem was played and our flag with the African shield and spear proudly engraved was raised as the union jack was lowered. Our anthem is based on traditional lullaby from one of our ethnic groups and the significance of having our own Kenyan identity was not lost on most Kenyans and still holds a special place in our hearts ; especially when it keeps being played over and over during the olympics/world athletic meets ;)
  
  Now I'm a child from two worlds..sort of... my great grandfather came over to Kenya from Scotland at the turn of the 20th century- he was a clerk in the British East Africa Company that controlled the territory now known as Uganda and Kenya. He was also later, part of the colonial government that virulently oppressed Africans (then known as 'natives') and who included quite ironically, my grandfather- an African.
  
  Quite a sordid history, but my mum and dad- both born in colonial Kenya and from two totally different cultures, one from the oppressors and one from the oppresed and from two different races, got married in independent Kenya and raised a family that appreciated the importance of freedom and diversity. Both my parents were fiercely patriotic and a bit of that rubbed off on us kids.
  
  Happy Jamhuri day everyone. Don't take freedom for granted.
  
  

• You know you're in trouble when...

  Posted: December 2, 2008, 11:44 am by Wildeyearnings

  your significant other asks accusingly; 'So who's Mike?'
  
  'Mike?" you ask puzzled still basking in the afterglow of ..erm..activities.
  
  'Yeah Mike. You know. The guy who's name you were screaming out a few seconds ago.'
  
  ....
  
  ....
  
  ....
  
  Oops.
  
  Guess who's sleeping alone this week.

• World AIDS day, Gay Penguins and Stuff like that

  Posted: December 1, 2008, 1:36 pm by Wildeyearnings

  On the 1st December, World AIDS day is commemorated worldwide. I think its an important day especially to raise awareness about contraceptives, protection and anti-retrovirals. Most importantly though is the message: 'know your status'. It is alarming that by the end of last year, only 36% of Kenyans knew their HIV status. Hopefully this year this figure will be higher. So on this World Aids Day 2008, do you know your status dear blog reader? (wherever in the world you are).
  
  
  
  News alert! to our dear beloved church leaders, there are gay penguins in a zoo in China. And this is not the interesting part. Apparently this gay couple have been stealing eggs from heterosexual couples in a bid to become parents. Interesting, no?
  Whats that I hear about the unnaturality of same-sex love?... Food for thought isn't it? Link to the story here.
  
  
  I had a very interesting weekend. I'm operating at a quarter my usual brain speed thus not enjoying being in the office very much at the moment.
  
  
  I need to stop drinking ( says Wildey for the 4,000th time this year).

• Things that make me go urghhhh!!

  Posted: November 21, 2008, 2:15 pm by Wildeyearnings

  You know everyone's got them: pet hates or those irritating things that make you wanna rip someone's head off and stuff it up their ass... (ahem) If you're a psychopath that is.
  
  Number 1: Traffic in Nairobi.
  Yes I know I whine about this A LOT. And to be honest there's something I can do about it such as stop working, move closer to work maybe, kill all the matatu/bus drivers with instant poisoned gas or just shut up and drive.
  
  But to be honest folks. Traffic in Nairobi's got to be the the worst I've ever experienced. Seriously. And I've lived in New York. We have got to start marketing Nairobi as a man-made 8th wonder of the world.Ok lets just say if you don't have to drive around Nairobi everyday, you're a very lucky person. You are truly blessed. And I hate you.
  
  Number 2: Its KEnya and not KEENya
  This is just really petty of me. And its ok with me if you struggle to pronounce my country's name. Seriously. I still can't say Czechoslovakia without stuttering. Its ok for people not from Kenya to mispronounce it. We can always correct the pronounciation can't we?
  
  What gets to me however is Kenyans who say KEEnya. I'm like dude!!! You can't pronounce the name of your own bloody country??! Like wtf!? I don't know what stops me from hitting them on the head with a blunt object whenever I hear a KEnyan say (in a fake American twang) :"Yar... I'm from KEEnya."
  Must. Restrain. Self. From. Violence.
  
  Number 3: Reality TV Shows
  Just can't stand being 'entertained' by talentless people. No real reason behind this - just urgh!.... ( shivers). Big Brother Africa anyone? No? What about The Apprentice Africa maybe? No? Survivor Africa?...and just like a horror movie- when one's over, you breathe a sigh of relief...only to have another one start. Good thing that 'off' button on the telly works eh?
  
  And in other news....
  
  I love this video by a bunch of British comedians called Idiots of Ants. This one is a sketch of what goes on after a date with a gay man. Yeah.... I know y'all were really curious about this. Its hilarious. This one makes me go LOL...
  
  Two boys
  
  

• I miss..

  Posted: November 17, 2008, 1:57 pm by Wildeyearnings

  talking about sex. I really do.
  
  Don't get me wrong- I don't miss sex, seeing that I'm having lots of it... but I miss blogging about it.
  
  It seems that when I was not having it, I talked about it ALL the time...or at least posted nice lust inducing shots of buff guys on this blog. The irony huh? My paramour is a revelation ( and not only in bed). I find that being with someone who really has a thirst for life really infectious. I like the feeling of being happy all the time for no damn reason. Aint life grand?
  
  Well lets talk sex shall we? And I mean in the most shallow, pleasing and smile- inducing way.And the best thing is that you don't actually have to have it to talk about it. Funny thing, in my country everyone frowns on talking about sex but everyone knows that its going on- in churches,schools,bars, public parking lots (yes Minister- the parking lot) etc...
  
  Like gay sex for example- its illegal here and definitely frowned upon but the weird thing is that when you mention a public figure who is suspected of being gay/bisexual- everyone goes like...'Oh him, yeah he is'. Everyone's really casual about it too...amazing. I like this attitude: Yeah he's having gay sex, so what? I have bigger problems to deal with. Like how to explain to my wife that I wasn't really having sex with the house-maid- I was just checking to see that she was healthy ( by the way, this really happened).
  
  So.....sex? Hmmm? Had any lately? Liked it? Kept it safe? Do share...

• What change?

  Posted: November 10, 2008, 11:52 am by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  
  As people seem to coming down from the high that was last week's electoral result, real life (sometimes mundane) continues.
  
  In the US, as voters elected a black man as president, they also denied the right to marry to a group of citizens on account of sexuality. Gay and lesbian people are feeling rightfully taken aback and angry about the recent election results in California, Arizona, and Florida affirming Proposition 8 that denies the right to marry to gay and lesbian folk. One step forward, two steps back?
  
  In Kenya, as it is in most of Africa, the notion that as a gay man can marry the man I love, seems about as realistic as Kenya launching its first space probe. However this doesn't stop me feeling a sense of outrage over the Prop 8 results in solidarity with millions of Americans (both gay and straight) who fought so hard to eliminate some of the last vestiges of discrimination against LGBT people in these States.
  
  This got me thinking. What makes human beings hold one set of values against others as superior? For a long time in colonial Kenya, we had whites lording it over black folk all in the name of racial superiority, now we have Christians lording it over the rest of us all in the name of morality, Muslims lording it over all in the name of religion, men lording it over women in the name of tradition/culture/sexism....on and on.
  
  Seriously when will we get over the sense of our own superiority? What gives me the right to deny someone a fundamental right because he/she thinks his/her position/understanding/race/sex/sexuality is far more superior than the other side's?
  
  Now I understand homophobia. I get it. I really do. I don't like it but its here in Kenya- like it or not. I've lived in a homophobic society for most of my life. I can't be openly out except to close friends and family. Living in a glass closet so to speak. But at times despite my exposure to almost daily homophobia and resultant thick skin, at times it makes me mad, then sad, then really baffled as to why people are so afraid of alternative sexualities. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean YOU'RE gay or will become gay or will morph into a monstrous sometimes gay/sometimes straight creature! My sexuality should not threaten or intimidate you anymore than yours threatens me.
  
  Sometime last week, on a radio breakast show in Nairobi, one of the presenters said something that really hit close to home. He was talking about Obama's election..praising the American people for looking beyond skin colour and then in the same breath expressing his pleasure that majority of voters said no to gay marriage. Which is ok- it's his opinion and all and after all it was put to the vote. But his next comments threw me for a loop. They were full of vitriol and hate and plenty of ignorance about gay men in particular. He went on to describe in detail what he would do to gay men ( nothing that wouldn't be rated for violence and foul language). He finished off his very un-Shakespearean rant by saying lesbians are ok. They should be given the right to marry in Kenya ...wink wink, nudge nugde..thereby reaffirming his masculinity to millions of Nairobi listeners (eye-roll).
  
  My point is though I'm not one to ram my opinions and beliefs down other people's throats, we ought to stand up against discrimination. You don't like gay people? Ok. You're entitled to your dislike. I don't particularly like bigots and racists as well. But when you discriminate against people, or advocate for violence and hate on public radio thus influencing hundreds of thousands of people.....then mate, step back, take a good look at yourself and ask yourself- What the Fuck am I doing!!!???
  
  How is this love? How is this progressive?
  
  21st Century Earth- gay people are still second-class citizens.
  
  21st Century Kenya- gay people are still potential criminals- to be hunted and removed from this moral nation.
  
  21st Century man still has the ever-increasing capacity to be bigoted.
  
  Seriously folks. Where's the love!!??

• Yes He Did!

  Posted: November 5, 2008, 6:05 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  
  As can be expected, Kenya is all aglow with delight and pride.
  
  I'm not a fan of politicians in general but even I cannot diminish the victory that the American people scored with this election. 1st Black President, one of the younger presidents and 1st time US Senator etc....
  
  After Bush, this must sure feel like heaven. Many, many Kenyans didn't sleep last night waiting for the electoral results. During the night I would periodically hear cheers from outside my window everytime Obama/Biden won a state.
  
  And then our President today announced a public holiday in Kenya tomorrow in honor of Obama's victory. Go figure :) This announcement by our President Kibaki has got many Kenyans bemused. No one really knows the significance nor purpose of this public holiday but I for one am grateful! I really, really needed a break from work. Kudos 'relative' Obama! You've done me a huge favor :)

• Black, White, Grey?

  Posted: October 8, 2008, 8:03 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Forgive me if I bore you with this post and go on about a really tedious topic. However you see I am ticked off. Well just a little bit quite honestly. My sunny disposition :) however doesn’t allow me to stay ticked off for longer than 5 minutes.
  
  I’ve just had a conversation with some guy who’s stuck in 1939. You see I refer to myself as black, because that’s what I think I am- culturally and my heritage as well. And damn proud of it. Now the 1930’s guy took offence…on behalf of ‘black people’ ( I didn’t know there was an association- Black People’s Association (BPA) and informed me in no uncertain terms that I cannot ,CANNOT call myself black because I’m most certainly not and therefore cannot identify with the BPA.
  
  Now I think that everyone has the right to classify themselves as they choose, Obama identifies (or is identified) as a black man, Mariah Carey says she’s black as does Lewis Hamilton. Ryan Giggs has referred to himself in the past as being proud of his black roots, but then other people have called him white. On the other hand, Wentworth Miller refers to himself as white with some ‘African’ heritage etc…
  
  Point is…are we who we say we are? Who determines who or what we identify with? Ourselves? Other people? One of my sisters refers to herself as ‘multi-racial’ only- neither black nor white but both and she has a right to do so. She takes pride and identifies with the two, both ethnically and culturally. The rest of us (brother and sisters) all say we are black- although we might not all look it.
  
  I don’t believe in classifying people according to skin colour otherwise I’d probably be called grey- (black +white = grey). But for me black is a cultural identity which defines me. Or maybe to be politically correct- African….but what about Caucasian Africans (white Africans to be less PC?)
  
  So to end this unbelievably pointless post, I’m black because I say I am.:)
  And to borrow a leaf from GUG’s book I finish with a poem I love from a Caribbean source….
  
  Excuse me
  standing on one leg
  I’m half-caste.
  
  Explain yuself
  wha yu mean
  when yu say half-caste
  yu mean when Picasso
  mix red an green
  is a half-caste canvas?
  explain yuself
  wha yu mean
  when yu say half-caste
  yu mean when light an shadow
  mix in de sky
  is a half-caste weather?
  well in dat case
  england weather
  nearly always half-caste
  in fact some o dem cloud
  half-caste till dem overcast
  so spiteful dem don’t want de sun pass
  ah rass?
  explain yuself
  wha yu mean
  when yu say half-caste
  yu mean tchaikovsky
  sit down at dah piano
  an mix a black key
  wid a white key
  is a half-caste symphony?
  
  Explain yuself
  wha yu mean
  Ah listening to yu wid de keen
  half of mih ear
  Ah looking at yu wid de keen
  half of mih eye
  an when I’m introduced to yu
  I’m sure you’ll understand
  why I offer yu half-a-hand
  an when I sleep at night
  I close half-a-eye
  consequently when I dream
  I dream half-a-dream
  an when moon begin to glow
  I half-caste human being
  cast half-a-shadow
  but yu must come back tomorrow
  wid de whole of yu eye
  an de whole of yu ear
  an de whole of yu mind.
  
  an I will tell yu
  de other half
  of my story.

• Things what I've been doing....

  Posted: October 6, 2008, 7:37 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Its been ages since I blogged. So a little update on what’s been going on with me….
  
  First off, everyone who’s read my previous posts knows how much I love this crazy, beautiful country, Kenya. But in the last couple of weeks, Kenya’s coolness factor has just skyrocketed. Why? Because we have pirates. Yes indeed, your run of the mill, sea-faring pirates, argggh!
  
  Well ok... maybe the pirates are not Kenyan (they are Somali) but they are operating off Kenya’s coast. Pirates of Mogadishu we call 'em. And get this, they are kidnapping ships and holding them ransom. Classic Captain Jack Sparrow…and a bottle of rum. There’s been a bit of a brou ha ha this week coz they captured a Ukrainan ship headed for Kenya carrying Kenyan military equipment. This saga has got me hooked because quite possibly we are the only country in the world with our very own pirates? My friends abroad now want to come visit Kenya- piracy as a tourist attraction in Kenya. Who would’ve thought?
  
  On a slightly more serious note….work’s been keeping me busy- that time of the year when things hectic I guess. Which has worked out very well for me. Keeping busy is cathartic to the soul. Nico (my best friend) got married last month and he’s happy. I’m happy. I don’t sound convincing enough…? LOL. No comment.
  
  I’ve been to Kampala (hey GUG!) for a few days. Lovely city. Always enjoy myself there. The night life’s amazing. Ugandans really know how to have a good time. (And boy can they drink! I was out-drunk by some chap – never thought that would happen).
  
  The eye-candy’s situation in Nairobi is getting a bit ridiculous. Where are all these hot men springing up from? I call them ‘loin teasers’…if you catch my drift. It’s a conspiracy I tell you! Its like an invasion from a supermodel planet or something. Help!
  
  On a brighter more hopeful note, out of the horde of these crotch botherers, I did meet someone who’s good to hang out with, no strings attached and all that stuff. And very easy on the eyes as well (yes I’m occasionally shallow).
  
  All in all, this post was all over the place but just to let you know I’m back and will be blogging more regularly.

• Life After Death

  Posted: September 17, 2008, 6:57 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Do you believe in life after death?
  
  3 years ago today, I lost my mother. I guess nothing can prepare one for the loss of total unconditional love. Other than one's parents, no one seems to love another human being for free. There's always seems to be something that they're getting from you, something that you're offering them, something, which once taken away, can leave you staring at a stranger.
  
  But the love of a parent... that is always something you can count on. No strings attached.
  
  My mum was meant to perpetually live in the 1960’s.She laughingly defined herself as a 'flower-child'. She was a typical hippy, free-spirited and a bohemian at heart and she loved all her six children unequivocally, unashamedly and most of all she was unapologetically in love with her husband until the second she took her final breath.
  
  I came out to parents a while back and I’m glad I did because my mum accepted me totally. She never queried or second-guessed my sexuality and most importantly never treated me different from my siblings on account of it. She was the major reason my dad and my siblings accepted me as well.
  
  I never know what will trigger that gnawing emptiness that means I miss my mother. Sometimes all it takes is looking at one my four sisters who all resemble my mother in varying degrees.
  
  Two years ago it was at my sisters wedding . It was the realisation that this would be the first family gathering without our beloved mama. She loved celebrations and parties- she was the innate social butterfly, flitting around guests, laughing and loving. She was always, always full of life.
  
  This year it was triggered by the wedding of my best-friend who I’d fallen in love with and shared some intimate moments with. Watching him sharing a lifetime commitment with his beloved was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. It was at that moment that I missed her so much, her loving words, her common-sense and her unwavering support. If she were here she would have said to me ‘Sweetheart ,grieve today but be happy tomorrow because no one likes a sour-puss’. This was her favorite phrase to all us children, and worked for everything- from skinned knees to dead pets and broken hearts.
  
  After the wedding, I was reduced to a sobbing mess. My older brother didn’t say a word. He simply took me in his arms and held me as I cried my pain and disappointment away. This was a complete turn around for him because he was the last one in my family to accept my sexuality. But in that moment in my brothers arms, I felt my mum’s presence as clear as day. This was the little miracle that got me through the day. And when I asked him why he did so, he whispered, ‘Because mama would have wanted me to.’
  
  So is there life after death? I believe so.
  
  Can I love again after heart-breaking hurt? I think I can.

• Doing my head in

  Posted: September 5, 2008, 5:36 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Agony is watching the love of your life walking down the aisle with another and being happy for him because he is happy. But still spending every second wondering what it would have been like....

• I knew I was gay when...

  Posted: August 21, 2008, 12:16 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  You know what? Being gay, I've become used to the questions that usually accompany the incredulous looks on people's faces when they find out I am gay. I know many people get irritated by these kind of questions, but they just amuse me. I now have template answers I use when asked ...But how did you know you were gay?
  So here are some of my answers.
  I knew I was gay when...
  
  1. I had a crush on Superman when I was 12 years old and wanted to wear tights just like his! ( BTW: Christopher Reeve who played Superman was a GOD.- I remember the adolescent-lad dreams I used to have of him...erm... too much information?)
  
  2. The first time I watched porn ( yes you've all done it! stop judging) - I think I was 13? or maybe 14?, I didn't remember seeing the girls in it AT ALL. So when my friends were talking about the 'huge knockers on the blonde', I was like ????. Coz the guy in it was a brunette and the only thing huge about him was...well...use your imagination.
  You know this should have tipped me off but it wasn't for some years that I started seriously questioning myself :)
  
  3. At 13, in my school's junior rugby team, I started avoiding communal showering because I was scared to death of that 'tingling feeling'. God those years were torture....of the good and bad kind.
  
  4. I developed this HUGE crush on my math teacher who wasn't even that good looking but had this awesome voice. You would think that I did really well in math to impress him but unfortunately math lessons consisted of me staring at him all googly eyed and daydreaming about our life together and as a result my marks were nowhere near respectable. Way below average comes to mind.
  
  5. The furthest I ever got with my first girlfriend (we were both 15) was a bit of furtive hand-holding under the table. At this time I was nowhere near 'first base'. In fact if first base was in Australia, I would say I was somewhere close to the Congo at this point.
  
  5. My second girlfriend- her I did get to first base with, you'll all be glad to know. I was 16 at this point, my school's rugby deputy captain and as a result needed to have a girlfriend. Peer pressure. So I got the prettiest girl in the school, chest puffed up but only... I had no idea what to do with her! We had many, many stimulating conversations about life in the evenings hidden behind the school shed which couples used as a make-out zone. I think this would have continued indefinately if she didn't take matters into her own hands...quite literally so.
  
  Anyway being a 16 year old lad with plenty of rampaging hormones, I did manage to acquit myself honorably ( thank you, thank you). Only thing is repeat performances consisted of me fantasising about other guys in order to deliver a mutually favorable outcome. Anyway you'll be glad to know she dumped me after 4 months together for someone older and more popular and probably more experienced where it counted.
  
  I should have known I was gay at this point when after being dumped all I felt was a sense of relief that there would be no more 'behind-the-shed rendezvous'!
  
  6. I guess when I finally admitted to myself that I might be a little 'different' was when I kissed the 18 year rugby captain one drunken night. God! It was like an epiphany that moment. It was like- so THIS, THIS is what the big deal's about. THIS is why people spend all their time trying to score. Funny thing is that I wasn't even attracted to him- but we sort of found our lips together in one amazing moment :). Oh the joys of teenage life. I think it was also a bit of experimentation for him because after that nothing ever happened between us. We never, ever talked about it and he left one month later after his A level exams.
  
  7. And then I knew for sure I was 'different' when I met a brother/sister combo at a relatives wedding and got aroused immediately by the brother. Yes. Even I knew something was up at that point. Only thing is that that the 'brother' took a shining to my sister. Fast forward 12 years later- that 'brother' is now my brother-in-law. My sister ( his wife) loves this story. It never fails to crack her up.
  
  I called my self 'bisexual' for a long time before I faced up to the reality that the only thing 'bi' about me was that I liked both tall and short men.
  
  My coming out- thats another story.
  
  So when did YOU know you were gay?

• The first cut....

  Posted: August 15, 2008, 1:43 pm by Wildeyearnings

  So I'm back in the office after an extended involuntary time-off.
  
  Today I get into the office and stop to chat with the guys from HR- a nice bunch of fellows- and stumble upon one of the most interesting conversations I've heard in a while. So there we are- 5 heterosexual ( as far as I know anyway) guys, 1 closeted gay guy ( me)- discussing the male penis. Very intriguing conversation for me as you may well imagine.
  
  This awesome discussion of the penis came about because of the whole debate on male circumcision. There's been talk in Kenya for a while about male circumcision being used as way to prevent HIV/AIDS transmission. Now I don't know the medical specifics but apparently medical research has shown that circumcision does lower the risk of contracting HIV/AIDS? Sounds a bit far-fetched to me but hey...
  
  Anyway getting back to this morning's discussion- a majority felt that 'the cut' was a cultural imposition. In Kenya, male circumcision is a cultural practice for most of the over 45 different ethnic groups including Kenyan Jews. However there are certain communities that do not practice it and are now being urged by our politicians to adopt it. The discussion got pretty heated with certain people protesting that their culture was being eroded and others vociferously 'imposing' their cultural practices on others and me there enjoying every minute of it while secretly hoping that one of them would propose a ' show and tell' segment of our debate which would see zips being lowered and ....
  
  Unfortunately this only happened in my head.
  
  Another thing I liked today morning was a satirical and very funny article appearing in one of our newspapers on why Africa doesn’t dominate archery yet no other continent uses bows and arrows for primary purposes as much. It’s a mystery: Africans can’t shoot Olympic arrows!
  Read it, its really funny.

• I used up all my sick days ...

  Posted: August 13, 2008, 6:55 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  ..and now I'm calling in dead.
  
  
  
  
  And by the way wasn't the Olympics opening ceremony truly spectacular?
  
  
  
  
  Too bad the performances were mostly mimed and/or cgi. But still mind-blowingly entertaining.
  
  And with this truly pointless, boring post, I'm off to try another miracle cure. Know of any witch-doctors who come highly recommended?

• In Memoriam

  Posted: August 7, 2008, 2:16 pm by Wildeyearnings

  10 years ago this day (7th August) at 10 am , more than 200 people were killed when terrorists set off a bomb in Nairobi's central business district.
  
  
  
  
  My two cousins (16 and 18 years old) were among those who died.
  
  I'm not poetic or anything but I wish I could express in some way how much I miss them. And also how much I hope that everyone who's ever lost a loved one senselessly, gets the love and support which got my family and thousands of Kenyans through this tragedy.
  
  10 years ago, Kenya wept, 10 years on- we're stronger than ever- still peaceful (for the most part) and never forgetting those who lost their lives that August morning.
  
  "I will never forget, But I will forgive".
  Nelson Mandela

• I'm still alive....barely

  Posted: August 4, 2008, 12:00 pm by Wildeyearnings

  Well just thought I'd give a little update.
  
  Last time I wrote, I was battling the almighty flu. Well, the flu won...but I was back on my feet in a couple of days....only to succumb to the the dreaded malaria. (Note to self-when living in a tropical country, always take anti-malarial drugs).
  
  I'm ok though good people! Chicken soup is the worlds best-kept secret miracle cure.
  
  My dad and my older brother are in town on holiday. They both live abroad- my dad ever since my mama passed away about 3 years ago prefers to escape the memories of our family home and is now an international gallivanter of note.
  
  It has been a fun week- male bonding and catching up and generally living it up with my two favorite men. My brother who is one of the most heterosexual men I know and very competitive (well, we both are), has decided that he can pull a boyfriend faster than I can just to have one over me. And damn him, he may be right. He is a good looking bastard-damn him again. More tales to come of our quest to see who will win this particular challenge.
  
  Ok this is a very random post as I'm rushing out to a meeting.
  
  But just want to say that having my dad around rocks! Really missed the old guy and his dry, off-centre sense of humour. And for the first time in my life- he is trying to set me up! With the son of a friend of his :) This is too surreal. Some alien took over my dad's body.
  
  I'll post soon. I'm enjoying reading all your lovely blogs in the meantime.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes